5 Ways To Heal From Your Spouse's Infidelity Without Seeing A Marriage Counselor
You can survive this.
Unsplash Have you discovered that your partner has been cheating? Do you hope nonetheless for reconciliation and figure out how to get over being cheated on by the partner you trusted?
Most couples going through some kind of infidelity are advised to go to marriage counseling or couples counseling in order to get their marriage and relationship back on track.
But, what if it's something you and your partner can't or are not comfortable doing? Are you wondering if surviving infidelity without going to counseling is possible?
The betrayal of a cheating spouse can be devastating but it doesn’t have to be the end of a relationship or the death of your happy life.
There are ways to deal with the adultery without counseling but it will take a lot of presence of mind, life skills, and determination.
Here are 5 ways you can heal and survive infidelity and cheating without counseling.
1. Ensure that the other person is completely out of the picture
A very important piece of surviving infidelity and keeping your relationship intact is whether or not the other person is completely out of the picture.
Working on a marriage when the other person is still around is literally impossible. Your partner and their lover are connected in a deep way. If you have been told that they are now "just friends" or they don’t "see" each other anymore but still talk, then that person is not out of the picture.
If the other person isn’t out of the picture, you and your partner will fail in any attempts to regain loving feelings about each other because you will always be suspicious and feel less loved and your partner will stay emotionally connected to the person who was their lover.
So, the first step in all of this is ensuring the other person is gone. Only when that is the case can you proceed to the next steps.
2. You have to genuinely want it to work
Your partner has done the unimaginable — they have fooled around and betrayed you and the commitment you made to each other. They broke your heart.
So, ask yourself this: do you still want to be in a relationship with this person?
This is a key part of surviving infidelity without counseling. If you aren’t determined to make this work, if every fiber of your being knows that if it's possible, you would like to get your relationship back, then any efforts to save it will be futile.
Being determined doesn’t guarantee success but, without it, you are doomed to failure.
3. Communicate with each other
If you and your partner are still able to communicate with each other, then surviving infidelity without counseling is definitely possible.
Communication is the most important tool for fixing what is broken. You will need to communicate how you are feeling and your partner will need to communicate how they got to the place where infidelity was even an option.
You will need to work together to identify issues in your relationship and make a concrete plan to work on those issues together. You will need to understand each other’s wants and needs and be committed to making changes, if you need to.
The only way to do that effectively is by being able to communicate clearly with each other — to speak and listen and make sure each other are heard and understood.
4. Let go of the anger
Your partner has fooled around on you and, of course, you are angry. Who wouldn’t be? But can you let go of it and move on?
If you are holding onto anger — anger at yourself for your naiveté and anger at your partner for their wandering hands — then working on surviving infidelity without counseling will be impossible. Your anger will interfere with your communication. Your anger will interfere with wanting to make things work. And your anger will cloud your emotions so that you can’t think clearly.
If you are still angry with your partner and the situation, take some time to work through that anger and let it go. Once you have been able to let it go, then you will be able to start working with your partner to get through the mess.
Yes, letting go of anger is easier said than done but it is possible!
5. Be willing to forgive
This final piece is really important: can you forgive your partner?
Forgiveness is a key part of surviving infidelity. Again, you have been betrayed. Do you have the ability to accept and understand the where and why it happened and not hold it over your partner's head going forward?
It is possible to forgive even if it’s not possible to forget. It might take some time to get there but, if you can do so, then you have a real chance of saving your relationship and living the rest of your lives together happily.
So, take some time. Do some reading about forgiveness, what it means, and how to get there. See if you can forgive your partner and move on.
Surviving infidelity without counseling might seem impossible, but it isn’t.
Every day, many couples come back from the betrayal of infidelity and live happy lives together.
If the other person is out of the picture, if you can still communicate, if you have determination, if you aren’t stuck in anger and can forgive, then you have a good chance of being able to get past this and move on.
Of course, if you try to work on your relationship without counseling and fail, it is still possible to take that next step and get some professional help to get you through it.
Therapists and life coaches are trained in helping people move past difficult situations and sometimes expert help is just what you need to take that next step.
Good luck with this next period in your life. You can do it!
Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. She works with all kinds of people to help them to be all that they want to be in this crazy world in which we live. Email Mitzi now if you'd like some help and support.