5 Signs Your Breakup Sadness Might Be Depression — And It's Time To Call Your Doctor
Don't let it take over your life.
shutterstock.com / Aleshyn Andrei Do you find yourself just getting sadder and sadder after your breakup? Maybe you thought you'd feel better by now, but you aren't.
Have your friends mentioned that you are not yourself? Have you been ignoring your mother's calls for months?
Knowing if your depression is getting worse after a breakup is a hard thing to do because you're living your life day-to-day and the big picture of what's going on with your mood can be cloudy.
It’s important to know if your depression is getting worse because with knowledge comes power.
Once you acknowledge that things aren't improving enough, you have the opportunity to figure out the next steps to take in order to heal.
RELATED: 5 Ways To Cope With Depression After A Breakup
Here are 5 signs that you're not just sad over your breakup — you're depressed.
1. You have no hope.
Do you feel completely hopeless? Do you believe that tomorrow will be worse than today? That your work is only going to get harder? That going out with your friends is worse than death? That you will never love or be loved again?
Do you feel that your future is incredibly bleak and do you wonder if life is worse all the trouble?
Feeling hopeless is a key sign of depression.
When I feel depressed, looking forward to the future is virtually impossible. I believe that I'm worthless and will never add anything to the world and why even bother to get any help because it’s not going to make a difference?
It’s a horrible feeling.
What I'm here to tell you is that there's hope for your future. Even though you might want to slap the person who tells you that "everything will be fine,' I can promise you that, if you get help for your depression, the future can be bright.
You will excel at work and you will love and be loved again
2. You're isolating.
Be honest. When was the last time you left your house? Was it yesterday to get some take-out? Was it a few days back when you needed to do some laundry? Was it last week for a friend’s birthday?
Take stock, right now, of the last time that you left the house. It's important that you take note because it’s easy to lose track.
Have you been spending time with your family and friends? Does the idea of doing so fill you with dread and are you ignoring everyone at all costs. Would you rather stay home and watch T.V. than do anything at all?
All of the things I discussed above are signs that you are isolating. Isolating is another key indicator that you're depressed and that things might be getting worse.
The idea of getting off your butt and doing something might be incredibly daunting right now but, if you can do even one small thing — like taking a walk with a friend or going to a movie — you will feel better, even if only for a short time.
3. You can’t out of bed or off the couch.
Are you struggling with a complete lack of energy? Do you spend all day in bed, sleeping or eating ice cream and watching the "Desperate Housewives" of some city far away?
Do you sometimes manage to get out of bed, only to make your way over to the couch where you settle in under your blanket and watch some romantic movies that make you feel worse?
People who are depressed have very little energy and, as a result, spend a lot of time sedentary. And being sedentary is not only a sign of depression but it’s also the worst thing that you can do to work through it.
I've heard some great ideas from people who are struggling to get out of bed or off the couch when they are depressed.
When they get out of bed, they put their mattress against the wall so that impulsively getting back into bed is impossible. Another thing is to load up the couch with books, clothes, and other lumpy things so that being on the couch is uncomfortable.
With no place to collapse into, being sedentary is much more difficult and it might force you to get out into the world, get some exercise, and maybe even see friends!
4. You haven’t showered.
I know that when one of my friends is feeling really depressed the indicator is that she never showers. When she's depressed, self-care is the first thing that goes.
She doesn’t shower. She doesn’t shave. She doesn’t take her vitamins. She doesn’t eat. She doesn’t do her laundry. She pretty much does nothing that will help keep her body strong and healthy.
And not feeling healthy only fuels her depression.
My friend knows that she does this. She's developed a coping skill where, when she has a moment or two when she feels OK (which we all do when we're depressed but, unless we make an effort in that moment, we just fall back into the darkness), she takes a shower.
And, more likely than not, this one little piece of self-care makes a big difference with her mood, even if only for a bit. And feeling better about herself helps her reach out to her friends or her doctor for help!
5. You're self-sabotaging.
Unfortunately, when one feels hopeless, alone, lazy and dirty, the desire to do anything positive is just not there. As a result, you do self-sabotaging things that keep you depressed rather than move towards healing.
What kind of self-sabotaging? Reaching out to our ex. Stalking them on Instagram. Reading old text messages. Reflecting on how wonderful things were in the beginning.
Is this you? If it is, stop these behaviors right now! All of these things will only keep you in a dark spot.
You've broken up with your person and, yes, it’s very sad but the number one thing that you can do to help you move past it is to go "no contact." Every moment of contact you have with your ex will only drag you back into that hole of depression.
Imagine if, instead of reaching out to your person, you reached out to a friend. Imagine if, instead of stalking them on Instagram, you use your time on your phone to text with the sister who makes you laugh.
Imagine if, instead of reading old text messages, you delete them, taking back your power. And how about accepting that the way things were at the beginning will never be that way again because they never are.
So, consider your behaviors these days. If you find you are self-sabotaging instead of doing the things that you need to do to get out of this darkness, then you are definitely depressed.
If your depression after breakup is getting really bad, know that there are things that you can do about it.
The first step is acknowledging and accepting that you're depressed. Doing so will help you take that first step forward!
Once you've accepted your depression, it's time to take action. Take a shower, take your mattress off the bed, reach out to a friend, eat something that is good for you, take a walk and go "no contact" with your ex.
If you can do even one of these things you will be on the road to getting past your depression and starting to live your life again.
If you find that these things aren’t making your depression go away it might be time to see your primary care doctor, to see if they can help you manage your mood. They won't judge you. I promise!
I know that it all seems daunting right now but I promise that you can do it. And imagine how good you will feel when you do!
Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based, certified life and love coach. Let her help you find, and keep, love in this crazy world in which we live. Email her at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and get started!