7 Reasons Breaking Up Is Hard To Do — Even If You Know You Should

Are you in a relationship that you know isn’t working but are you having a hard time ending things? Are you wondering why you can’t break up with someone even though you know you should?

Breaking up with someone, whether you want to do so or not, is never easy.

You go into relationships with such hope. Ending them can seem like the end of a dream. Or the end of a nightmare.

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There are a few reasons why you can’t break up someone even if you know you should. Being aware of them might make breaking up a little bit easier.

Here are 7 reasons why breaking up might be hard, even if you know you should.

1. You're worried about your social group.

I know that it seems weird, but many people are concerned about breaking up with someone because of the effect that it will have on their social group.

Maybe you're both on the same softball team and worry that it will hurt the group's ability to play together. Maybe you're concerned you'll lose friends who feel like they have to "pick sides."

It's normal to worry that breaking up might impact your social life, but basing your decision on your social life is not a good idea.

Furthermore, if you are considering breaking up, you guys probably aren’t too much fun as a couple. So, your social group might be happy if you two go your separate ways!

2. You're scared of being alone forever.

This might be the number one reason you can’t break up with someone, even if you know that you should.

I can tell you with 100 percent certainty that if you break up with someone who isn’t making you happy and you're willing to put yourself out there again, you will find someone else to love you. You're amazing and your person is out there waiting.

If you can’t break up with someone, then you will be forever doomed to be in an uhappy relationship because you won’t be able to find someone else.

So, if you can’t break up with someone even if you know you should, know that if you can find the strength to do so, you will find the person of your dreams.

3. You don’t want to hurt them.

This is a huge reason why people struggle to break up with someone they don’t want to be with — and the one that frustrates me the most.

I have a friend who attracts girls like bees. It’s really amazing. And almost without exception, he rarely's interested in a second date. And almost without exception, those girls want a second date!

And you know what he does? He doesn’t tell them he isn’t interested. He continues to interact with them, but not as enthusiastically as he did before the date. They get clingy and insecure, and he just pulls away further.

Ultimately, he leaves them more devastated than he might have if he was just honest with them from the start. Why does he do this? Because he is "afraid to hurt them."

Let me tell you, as I tell him every time: Not being direct with someone, but instead giving them less and less until you gradually disappear, is way more hurtful than telling the truth. Pulling away from someone only damages their self-esteem every time you are vague, non-committal, and removed.

So, if you're worried about hurting someone, don’t be. Be honest with them. It might hurt at the moment, but they'll get over it.

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4. You believe you can fix them.

For many people, especially women, you believe you can fix the things about your partner that make you unhappy.

Perhaps your partner spends too much time with his friends. Perhaps he works all the time and doesn't give you much attention. Perhaps they don't treat their family the way you would like them to, etc.

For many people who are unhappy in relationships but can’t break up with their person, it is because they believe they can "fix" the other person, and then they'll live happily ever after.

Unless you're happy with who your person is right now, then you're doomed to be unhappy if you don’t break up with them. People can’t be fixed. They can choose to make a change of their own accord, but you won’t be able to fix them, no matter how hard you try.

4. You have time invested.

“I have put so much time into this person. I don’t want to walk away now.”

This is no reason to stay.

Yes, you might have invested a lot of time in this person (I put 20 years into my now-defunct marriage). But don’t spend even one more minute with someone who you aren’t happy with.

Cut bait right now and invest the next few minutes, hours, and days of your life on taking care of yourself and putting your energy out into the world to find the person of your dreams.

Any time you might spend with someone, no matter how it ends, isn’t a waste of time. You learn a lot about yourself and about relationships during your time with someone. The only reason that time would be wasted is if you walk away without taking what you've learned with you.

So, don’t let time that you've already spent make you stay in a relationship you know should end.

6. You don’t like to give up.

Maybe you don't want to "quit." You want to continue to fight for a relationship. But one person alone can’t fight for a relationship. Unless both people are willing to fight, a broken relationship will not get fixed.

None of us like to give up and admit defeat. But if you are the only one fighting for this relationship, giving up is the best and wisest thing you can do.

7. You still have hope.

This is the hardest reason why you can’t break up with someone — doing so will mean you have to give up hope around living happily ever after.

So, if you still have hope for your relationship, I respect that. But I encourage you to give it a good hard look and see if your hope is based on your relationship or based on what you want for your life. If it’s the first, keep fighting. If it’s the second, it’s time to move on.

Knowing that you can’t break up with someone — even if you know that you should — is very frustrating and exhausting.

Lots of time and effort is spent going back and forth on the pluses and minuses, recovering from crying jags, and feeling hopeless about the future. Basically, your life can be put on hold while you try to break up with someone you should break up with.

Knowing and accepting that there are reasons why you can’t break up with someone is the best way to be able to take the steps to do so.

Go through the checklist above. Consider those that apply to you. If you can work your way through them, you just might find that you have the clarity to break up with someone, for the good of both of you.

You can do this! And if you do, you will give yourself the chance to live happily ever after!

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Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based certified life and love coach. Let her help you find, and keep, love in this crazy world in which we live. Email her and get started!