5 Questions To Ask Yourself After You’ve Been Cheated On
Should you stay or should you go?
getty Are you wondering if it's time to let go of someone who has cheated on you?
Do you still love your partner, yet are unsure if you want to stay or go, in light of their cheating and infidelity? Are you super confused, overwhelmed, and not sure about what to do next?
Knowing the reasons why you need to move on will help you get some clarity on whether truly letting go and moving on is an option for you.
Here are the 5 questions to ask yourself after you've been cheated on.
1. Can you ever trust them again?
A very large part of being in a healthy relationship is trust. Without trust, a relationship is doomed to fail.
Your partner had an affair. They violated your trust. Do you think you can learn to trust them again?
Will you be okay when they say they have to work late? Will you always need to check their phone?
Will you wonder every time you can’t account for their whereabouts for a few hours? Will you be upset whenever you see them talk to someone of the opposite sex?
The answers to these questions will help you figure out if you need to let go of someone.
If you can’t trust them, they will make you supremely unhappy every day. Your mind will always be going to dark places where you still suspect that they're doing you wrong again.
So, if you can’t trust your person, letting them go might be the best thing to do — even if you still love them.
2. Can you forgive them?
A big part of getting past someone’s affair is to ask yourself if you can forgive them for what they've done.
Forgiving an affair involves many pieces. It means accepting that your partner is just a person who makes mistakes. It means forgiving yourself for missing the signs and accepting that you are not a fool.
It means acknowledging that this is not your fault. It means that your partner has taken responsibility for their actions, and that they are committed to not doing it again.
While it's possible to forgive someone for their infidelity, if you know that you can’t let go of what happened and that you can’t forgive your partner for their betrayal, then letting them go will allow you both to move on.
3. Do you want to still be with them?
Do you still like your partner, even though they cheated on you? Do you like them enough to want to still be with them, despite what they did?
Many people stay in relationships even if they don’t really want to be in that relationship anymore because they think they have to. Leaving just isn’t an option for a variety of reasons.
And if you don’t want to be with someone, if you actively don't like them, staying with them will just make you more miserable than leaving.
Find out if you really want to be with your partner, or if you're just holding onto some kind of "should."
4. Are you staying with them for the wrong reasons?
Why are you choosing to stay with this person? Yes, you love them, but if you feel like you can’t trust them or forgive them, then why are you staying?
Are you staying because of your kids, finances, public perception, because you don’t believe in divorce, or you don’t believe in giving up?
Are you staying for any reason other than the fact that you believe that you can forgive and trust and move past what has happened?
If the answer is "yes," recognize what that thing is and ask yourself if it's worse than you being miserable for, perhaps, the rest of your life. That’s what staying with them for the wrong reasons will do.
All of those things that are mentioned above are things that can be dealt with. Being miserable for the rest of your life will not be.
5. Have you tried everything?
For many people, when they let go of someone they love after infidelity, they regret it afterward. They wonder if they did everything that they could do before they walked away.
Did they work on trust and forgiveness? Did they work with a life coach or a therapist to process what happened? Did they try couples' counseling to try to work through the issues in the relationship together?
If you don’t think that you've tried everything before letting go of your cheating partner, consider doing so before walking away.
Regret is a horrible thing. If you are considering letting go of someone you love but haven’t tried everything, you very well might regret it.
Learning how to let go of someone you love after infidelity is a very important next step in seeking future happiness.
It’s not easy to let go of someone you love, even if they have betrayed you. It is important that you don’t make the decision lightly but that you do so knowing that what you have and haven’t done, what you can and can’t do.
Knowing these things and why you are leaving someone will make letting them go that much easier.
Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based certified life and love coach. Let her help you find — and keep — love in this crazy world. Email her at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com to get started.