5 Tiny Personality Traits That Keep Men From Falling In Love (No Matter How Attractive You Are)
How your personality is driving men away.
Victoria Romulo | Unsplash Men love looking at attractive women. A beautiful woman is a lovely thing to behold for pretty much anyone. Unfortunately, if you really want advice about how to get a guy to like you, the answer involves much more than learning a few clever beauty tricks. This is because no matter how much we like to stereotype men as being hyper-focused on the visual, there are personality traits some women have that turn men off and keep them from falling in love just about each and every time.
It doesn't matter how physically attractive she is or how strong an attraction he feels toward her when they first start dating, when a woman displays these behaviors and characteristics, his developing feelings of love for her are certain to fizzle out fast. Yet many women remain stuck, wondering why men don’t stick around even though their time at the gym has yielded a body to die for.
These women would love to change things up somehow in order to attract a man who loves them for who they are and not just how they look, but they just can't seem to figure out the elusive missing piece of the puzzle. To help you figure out how to get a guy to like you for you, check out these five personality traits that turn men off and keep them from falling in love to see if any ring is a familiar, if painful, bell.
These 5 personality traits keep men from falling in love no matter how attractive you are:
1. Clinginess
We all know someone who can never be alone, that person who always has to be with her man or her friends or her sister and who has to know what everyone else is doing every minute and whines when she isn’t included in something, no matter how small. One of the biggest turn-offs for men is women who come off as desperate, needy, and clingy. These are women who don’t have their own lives and interests, preferring to attach themselves to their men, forever and always.
It is essential that you be okay with being alone in the world, and that when your man goes off with his friends sometimes, you're fine being left on your own. And it's even better when you have your own interests and passions outside of your relationship with him so that HE can be the one sometimes wondering where YOU are when he finds himself missing you. Find your place in the world, pursue your passions, and don’t hang onto someone else for no reason other than to feel good about yourself.
2. Insecurity
I was recently complaining to a guy friend about some weight I'd gained around my tummy. I wasn’t happy that it was there and was just griping to gripe. My guy friend told me to stop griping. He said there was nothing more off-putting to a guy than a girl who complains about her weight/hair/clothes/nails/etc., and that women who are uncomfortable with their looks and talk about it all the time become less attractive with every conversation, and he shared two reasons why this is so.
First, he said, the man in question chose this woman in question at least in part because of the way she looks. When she complains about those aspects of herself that attracted him, he's likely to start questioning his initial attraction. When a woman constantly points out flaws he never saw, he not only sees them, but he might even start to look for others he may have missed.
Second, he said, many men believe women complain about their looks when they are truly just seeking compliments. Most men are happy to compliment women, but they want to do it on their own terms and in their own time, and feeling manipulated into doing so is a huge turn-off. Be confident about the way you present yourself to the world, especially to the man you love. You are you — a beautiful woman. Be proud!
3. FOMO
If you haven't heard of this one, FOMO is an acronym that stands for the "fear of missing out." In this Internet age, FOMO is a real thing, and one many people are obsessed with, constantly wondering what everyone else they know is doing and why they aren't being included.
For men, few things are as unattractive as women who are always on their phones, seeing what other people are up to in dread that they've been left out of something, rather than enjoying the present moment they could be experiencing together. If people are doing things without including you, let them.
Put down your phone and find your own stuff to do, especially stuff with your man. Don’t make him feel like he isn’t good enough for you. Go have fun on your own terms. That is a super attractive trait in women — one that attracts men like bees to honey.
4. Jealousy
Jealousy is one of the seven deadly sins and for plenty of good reason. Nothing kills a man's attraction to a woman faster than catching a glimpse of her jealous nature. It doesn't matter if she's jealous of other women for their looks, jealous of other people for what they have that she doesn't, or jealous of the time the man in their life is spending with his male or female friends.
Don’t be a jealous woman. Give your man the freedom to spend time with whomever he wants, and avoid looking at others and measuring yourself against them in any terms. Simply be confident in who you are and what you have and be the person that someone wants to love because of it all — and they will.
5. Snippiness
If there is one thing I regret most about the way I behaved during my former marriage, it’s how snippy I became with my ex-husband as the years went by. What do I mean by snippy? You know that clipped, contemptuous tone people take when someone asks how they are and they reply, "How do you think I am?" Their tone drips with the unspoken but all-too-obvious intended meaning of "I 100 percent suck — and it’s all your fault."
My husband upset me often, as husbands often do. But instead of telling him so and calmly sharing with him what he did to upset me, I would snip at him unkindly, doing nothing but pushing him away and making matters worse in the process. Don’t snap at your man. And don’t snap at the barista or the mailman or your mother, either. It’s unattractive and unfair and sure to drive a man to look elsewhere for love.
Now you see how these personality traits can turn men off and keep them from falling in love no matter how attractive the woman they're dating may be. It is so important that a woman knows who she is in the world. She isn’t clingy, insecure, and jealous. She knows how to communicate well and fairly. And that she isn’t obsessed with what everyone else is doing but instead chooses to do what she wants to do. Be yourself. Be the person that a man will find attractive. But, really, be yourself so that you can be the best person that you can be in the world. And you will be happy. How great will that be?!
Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate who works exclusively with women to help them be all they want to be. Mitzi's bylines have appeared in The Good Men Project, MSN, PopSugar, Prevention, Huffington Post, and Psych Central.