How To Let Go Of A Married Man, Even If You Still Love Him
It may feel impossible, but he's taken so you have no choice but to let go. Here's how.
fizkes / Shutterstock Are you wondering how to let go of a married man — someone you're madly in love with but who's hurting you, over and over and over?
If you've been looking around online, you've probably discovered that there are millions of chat boards devoted to just this topic... and they don’t make you hopeful.
The question at hand is this: Will your guy ever leave his wife? And, if he doesn’t, what to do about it and how to let go if you decide to leave?
Knowing ahead of time how to let him go will help you take that big step to let go so that you can be happy and find love again.
To learn how to let go of a married man, here are 5 steps you need to take to get over him.
1. Be honest with yourself.
Here you are, reading this article, so you must be thinking about leaving your guy. Why? Probably because of one or all of these reasons:
- He keeps breaking his promises.
- He couldn’t be there on your birthday.
- You never get to go out anywhere.
- He puts his family first.
- You are lonely.
- You feel horrible about yourself.
Do any of these reasons sound familiar? You might have experienced some version of each of these almost daily since this whole thing began.
It's time for you to start really paying attention to these thoughts and truly be honest with yourself about the future of your relationship with this man.
Yes, you love him, but do you truly see the happily ever after up ahead?
Take a written stock of all of the hurts and broken promises. Seeing them in a list will make it even clearer to you why you must leave your guy, for once and for all.
Be honest with yourself. It’s time.
2. Cut him off.
There's only one way that you will be successful at letting go of him — cut him off, completely.
Stop following him on social media, block him on your phone, absolutely no sex, no late-night supportive conversations, and no "just being friends" — nothing!
You need to be confident that you can do this because it's key!
Your married guy isn’t going to want to let you go. Why would he with all the sex and support that you give him? And because of this, he will use every opportunity that he has to get back in with you.
If you leave the door open a crack, he will get it fully open before you know it.
So, if you want to succeed, be prepared to go "no contact." And when you do so, try to take it one day at a time.
Don’t think, "I will never talk to him again," because that will be overwhelming. Just think, "I am not going to talk to him today." That is way more manageable.
It seems impossible right now, but you can do it. I did and you can, too.
3. Get to know yourself again.
I was involved with a married man once. He was "getting separated," but it took almost a year to make that happen. And in that time, I totally lost myself.
When I met him, I was a single woman living in New York City running my own business and volunteering in the mental health field. I was healthy and happy and living the dream.
When he re-entered my life (I was in love with him in college), I couldn’t have been more prepared for a healthy relationship, so I thought I would be just fine waiting for him to leave.
Boy, was I wrong!
Over the course of the next year and a half, I totally lost who I was. I was so distracted by the situation that I couldn’t focus on my business, my health failed, my depression soared, and it felt like my life was falling apart.
The first thing that I did when I managed to finally go "no contact" with him was to do something that I used to love doing — I took a road trip! I packed up my car and drove down to North Carolina where I spent a few days with a friend.
The adventure kept my mind busy and helped me remember the woman I had been before — the happy, hot, self-confident woman who could rule the world!
Getting to know that person again made me strong enough to continue to go "no contact" with him and start to build my life again.
4. Spend time with people who love you.
Over the time you've been with your married man, you've probably separated yourself, at least to some degree, from those who love you.
The time that you spent, waiting near your phone, in case he called you.
The time that you didn’t schedule things to do with people because you wanted to be available in case he was.
The time that you didn’t spend with your friends because they didn’t want to hear any more about your married guy.
You need to spend time with people you love as often as possible. Not only will doing so keep your mind busy, so that you aren’t obsessing about him, but it will help you touch base again with the amazing person who you are.
And your friends will be so thrilled that you have your head on straight that they will be happy to join you on all of those adventures that you are ready to take.
5. Believe that you will love again.
This is probably the number one thing that's holding you back from letting go of your married guy — the fear that, if you do, you will never be loved again.
You might no longer believe that he's your soulmate — how could a soulmate hurt you so much? But, he's someone you love and someone you've invested a lot of your precious time with.
The idea of starting over may be daunting. But what I can promise you is this — if you stay with your married guy, how your life is right now is most likely how your life will be for the foreseeable future. Can you imagine?
But, if you can extricate yourself from this relationship now, yes, you'll have to put yourself out there but you are way more willing to meet a guy who will love you truly and who is ready to devote his life to you.
You will love, again. Maybe even more than once. But you will love again, I promise!
Knowing how to let go of a married man is the number one way to actually make it happen.
Much like we must prepare for a test or a life event, knowing the steps that you will have to take to do the hard task will prepare you for doing it.
Knowing what's ahead might not make it all seem so daunting.
With that in mind, be honest with yourself about the relationship. Be prepared to cut him off immediately. Renew your relationship with yourself, your friends, and your family. And know that you will love and be loved, again.
I know it seems impossible, but you can do it! I did and I'm truly living happily ever after!
Mitzi Bockmann is a NYC-based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate whose writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention, Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others.