If You're Feeling Depressed After A Breakup, These 5 Steps Will Help You Get Over It And Finally Move On
Don't let the pain of a breakup consume your life.
Zia King via Unsplash Are you feeling depressed after a breakup?
Were you in a relationship that ended recently and whether you wanted it or not, do you find yourself alone now and feeling depressed, hopeless that you will never be happy again?
Let me tell you that you aren’t alone – that there are many women out there right now feeling the way you do. And the good news – you will feel all better soon. I promise!
How? Let me share what I know.
1. Know that your feelings are normal
You have just broken up with someone you once were deeply connected to.
The hopes and dreams that you had for the future have been completely dashed.
You are spending time alone that you used to spend with him.
Your life is totally different and honestly, not so great.
You are going to be sad. You are going to be devastated. And it’s okay.
I remember, less than 12 hours after my mother died, my step-father was telling himself to snap out of it, to not be sad.
He couldn’t handle the pain that he was feeling. So, he stuffed it down. And, four years later, he is still overwhelmed by his loss.
It is important to be okay with the emotions that you are feeling.
It isn’t a reflection of any weakness on your part. It’s a reflection of the pain that you are feeling.
It is important that you feel those feelings and that you feel the pain and the sadness and the regret and whatever emotions arise as a result of the break up.
Only by truly feeling and processing emotions are you able to work through them and let them go.
So, embrace your emotions. Own them as your own. Process them and let them go.
If you do so, you will be able to let go of feeling depressed after letting go of love.
2. Put yourself first
One of the reasons that it’s so hard to get over feeling depressed after a breakup is because when we are feeling depressed, we stop taking care of ourselves.
Are you spending large amounts of time in your pjs, eating ice cream? When you do go out, are you drinking more than usual? Are you not sleeping? Have you gotten any kind of exercise in recent memory?
If you have answered yes to any of these questions, then you are not alone. I don’t know many women who don’t treat emotional issues with ice cream, instead of marathons.
So, don’t feel bad, but do try to make some change.
If you can’t sleep, take some melatonin to help you get some. If you are eating ice cream, try to eat just a little bit less. Try to get off the couch and take a walk.
Taking care of yourself in this rough time is an essential piece of getting over feeling depressed after letting go of love.
3. Embrace things that bring you joy
I am someone who struggles with depression every day and one of the key things that I do when I am depressed is make sure that I do things that I know make me happy on good days.
What kind of things? I watch movies. I eat Pad Thai. I have sex. I spend time with my kids.
There is factual evidence that doing things that make you happy, that make you smile, actually help to alleviate depression.
The actual act of smiling has been proven to change the chemicals firing in your brain, the ones that are causing the depression.
So, what makes you happy?
I know that you are feeling depressed and the idea of doing anything is too much to bear, but get up off the couch and do just one thing that you enjoy doing. See what happens.
4. No stalking
For some reason, when we are going through a break-up, we can’t resist the temptation to stalk our guy on social media.
The temptation to see what he is up to, who he is hanging out with, or who he might be seeing is just too much to resist.
When you do it, does it make you feel better? I didn’t think so.
One of the most important parts of getting over feeling depressed after a breakup is to remove yourself completely from anything to do with your ex.
Block him on your phone. Disconnect from him on Facebook, Instagram, etc. Don’t talk to your friends about what he is doing.
Instead, pretend like he just doesn’t exist. Pretend that he is a guy you used to know who has disappeared off the face of the earth.
The less you think and know about your ex, the easier it will be for you to get over him.
5. Don’t give up
I know. I know. The prospect of getting back into another relationship is the last thing that you want to do.
It's hard to imagine giving yourself to someone else when you still have love for another person.
And that is fair. But, it’s also important that you don’t stop living your life. You only have one life and it’s short.
So, if someone from work invites you out for a drink, do it!
Go to the movies with friends. If you are invited to a party, go to it.
Put yourself back out in the world and into the path of love. You will meet new people, have new experiences, and maybe find yourself another person to call your own.
If you stay home on the couch watching The Bachelor and eating ice cream, you might feel safe and less vulnerable, but you will also stay depressed, because you have stopped living your life and you just won’t feel good about yourself.
Put yourself out there. Live your life. You will be glad you did.
Feeling depressed after a breakup is a horrible feeling.
What we want more than anything is to move on and stop the pain now.
Unfortunately, it most often isn’t possible because grief and the depression that accompanies it, is usually the first part of the healing process.
Luckily, grief is only the first step and there is hope for your future.
So, embrace your grief, feel it, and release it.
Take care of yourself, do things that make you happy, stay off social media, and get yourself out there.
When you are ready, sooner than later I hope, you can let go of your love and reach out for a new one – yourself.
Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. She works exclusively with women to help them to be all that they want to be in this crazy world in which we live. Contact her for help.