Feeling Lonely In Your Relationship? Maybe Your Partner Has ADHD

Do you feel like the last item on your partner’s “to do” list?  Have you tried everything you can think of to get your partner’s attention – sexy lingerie, lavishing attention, perhaps even yelling - only to fail?  It may be that he doesn’t even realize he’s not paying attention – perhaps it’s undiagnosed ADHD.  Here are some quick facts about adult ADHD:  fully 90% of adults who have ADHD are undiagnosed;  the top adult symptom of ADHD is distractibility; ADHD can wreak havoc in relationships…but doesn’t have to.  Learning more is key to taming relationship challenges you may be facing.

What are the signs your partner might have ADHD?

• He focused on you like crazy when you were dating but now rarely seems to pay attention
• She repeatedly promises to do something for you but then forgets
• He is easily distracted most of the time, but then can focus like crazy on something of interest such as a computer game
• He is often up much later than you and may have sleep problems
• She is chronically disorganized and/or messy
• He has a terrible sense of time and often late
• No matter how hard you try or how often you ask his/her behavior doesn’t seem to change for very long
• You have a child who has been diagnosed with ADHD (it’s highly heritable)

And you may be feeling any or all of these:

• Frustrated when you think about your partner and how he/she responds (or doesn’t respond) to you
• Lonely and confused – and wondering “why is my partner not paying more attention to me?”
• Angry – that no matter how hard you work to make things better your partner doesn’t seem to be joining in
• Always responsible – your partner never seems to follow through on helping you out as promised
• Out of control – you often feel as if it’s a real struggle to keep your surprisingly chaotic life from blowing apart
• Sad – this isn’t what you imagined your relationship would look like
• Unsexy – all this going on in your relationship is starting to affect your sex life Keep Reading...

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Until recently, the medical and therapeutic community has not paid as much attention to adult ADHD as to childhood ADHD.  Happily, this is starting to change.  If you think your partner might have ADHD the first thing to do is to learn all you can about it.  The first step is research:  there are good resources for you and your partner to do this, including Dr. Ned Hallowell’s Driven to Distraction, and my own book, The ADHD Effect on Marriage.  If ADHD seems like a possibility, I strongly urge an evaluation.  Some adults resist doing this – thinking that receiving a “label” will mean their partner will blame them for the state of their relationship.  But getting an evaluation doesn’t commit one to any specific course of action – only provides access to a whole range of treatments and approaches to consider that can really improve your relationship and lives together.

So if you’re confused as to why you can never get your partner’s attention, you owe it to yourself to do a little research and consider if adult ADHD might be an issue.

Melissa Orlov helps couples impacted by ADHD learn to thrive.  You can reach her and read more at her website.  She also manages an active forum of adults trying to better understand their special type of relationship at the same site.