5 Signs You're Friends With An Energy Vampire Who's Draining The Fun Out Of Your Life (& How To Deal With Them)
This type of person is exhausting to be around.
Stacey Gabrielle Koenitz Rozells via Unsplash Energy vampires can make any friendship or relationship tiring and exhausting to be a part of. To deal with them, you need to know what signs of a toxic relationship to look for.
Is there something about your friend that you just can’t put your finger on? You love her but you never feel energized after interacting with her as you do with your other friends. In fact, you're always asking yourself, "Why am I so tired?" after a few minutes with them.
You even feel out of sorts and a bit guilty for feeling that way.
Toxic relationships don't just apply to romantic relationships. In fact, this type of person shows up in friendships, too.
When you’re dealing with an energy vampire, it means this person is emotionally draining you in ways that may be very subtle at times and overt at others.
Their own emotional instability is affecting you in ways that are draining and uncomfortable, making you weak and exhausted.
If this is the case, it's time to know what signs of a toxic relationship to look for in your friends so you can deal with them in a way that won't leave you so lethargic with low energy.
Here are 5 signs you're friends with an energy vampire who's draining the fun out of your life and how to deal with them:
1. You feel drained and tired after being with them
When you think about the last time you hung out with your friend, you realize she spent the entire time talking about herself.
She went on and on about everyone and everything that was wrong with her life. She talked and talked and never left enough air in the conversation to allow you to give your two cents on her predicaments. If she did allow you time to speak, she didn’t listen to your response.
The conversation felt one-sided... because it was.
2. They rarely ever ask you how you’re doing
An energy vampire may give you a courtesy "How are you?" — but they probably won’t listen for the answer. If they are listening, it’s to hear how your response relates to them.
They’re often so self-absorbed that they cannot hear what you have to say. You’re then left feeling alone and worn out. You feel like you should have just stayed at home.
3. You leave your conversations feeling uneasy
When you leave the presence of an energy vampire, you will feel off-center. You may even feel like you’ve been slimed by their negative remarks and incessant talking about themselves and the terrible state of the world as they see it.
Often, you will also feel bad about feeling this way. You like (and may even love) this person, but you feel conflicted by your response to them. You may feel sorry for them, angry with them, and compassionate towards them at the same time.
It can be very confusing.
4. You feel anxious or nervous when you’re around them
Have you ever walked into a room and felt instantly anxious? You didn’t feel that way just before you met your friend for lunch, but you feel it now and maybe it’s overwhelming.
There are many possible explanations for this.
Maybe you're just nervous when you see this person. You may feel like you’re walking on eggshells, afraid to say something that might set them off.
You may have something you really need to talk about but you’re certain they won't honor your need to be heard. This can be anxiety-provoking too.
Another reason why you feel anxious is that you’re picking up on their anxiety. You may be very empathetic and sensitive to the emotions of others, particularly your loved ones. Often, energy vampires have a very shaky sense of self. They may feel in turmoil all the time and you’re feeling their inner angst as well.
5. You avoid phone calls or spending time with them
Her name comes up on your phone and you dodge the call.
You feel bad that you’re not answering but you also know you don’t want to talk to her. You just can’t take it. You know the conversation is always the same — it’s about her and what’s happening in her world of drama and trauma.
You feel left out of the conversation because you are.
When it comes to spending time with the energy-draining person in your life, you find that you meter out your visits. You only have so much energy and attention to this kind of relationship.
The hard part for you is how badly you feel about your own fatigue and exhaustion.
Now that you know this person in your life is an energy vampire, what can do you about it?
You may want to start with a discussion with this person, depending on how important they are to you.
It could be that this friend loves to talk to you and can’t wait for that opportunity, so she lets it rip. She simply may not know that it’s a problem. She may be very happy to adjust her behavior to be more mindful of you and your relationship.
If you’re dealing with an emotional vampire, chances are great that she’s very emotionally unstable and highly narcissistic. If this is the case, and you feel like she would not be responsive to talking with you about the dynamics of your relationship, you may want to seek help from a therapist to assist you in how to speak with her.
A discussion of this nature may be shattering for both of you without help. Feeling that out before you have a talk with your friend might be the best answer for you.
You may want to seek therapy for yourself to learn how to talk to her and to address your side of the relationship.
You may be keeping quiet in her presence because you’re overwhelmed by her.
You may even be a people pleaser who just wants everyone else to be happy so you don’t share how you’re feeling for fear that it will make things confrontational and uncomfortable for both of you.
It’s always important to look at the dynamic of your relationships and your personal contribution.
In some cases, you may want to end the friendship altogether. It may not be worth your while to continue in a friendship of this nature. You may feel like there isn’t a big enough pull to be around this person. You may even feel that this person is a detriment to your own sense of well-being.
Leaving a friendship can be very difficult but it can also be liberating. While I don’t advocate leaving every friendship that feels uncomfortable, some will never work and may even be holding you back.
Energy vampires can make you feel like the life has been sucked out of you. This terrible feeling does not have to be your reality. There are solutions and finding the right one for you will always be the best one.
Dr. Meg Haworth Dr. Meg Haworth is a trailblazer who shifts clients into healthy, strong, vibrant, and whole individuals ready to live inspired and meaningful lives using mind-body medicine, nutrition, and transpersonal psychology. She has been featured on NBC Nightly News, The Huffington Post, The Los Angeles Times, Hayhouse Radio, The Mindshare Summit conference stage, and numerous online summits and podcasts.