4 Tiny Secrets Of The Most Confident Achievers
How to start achieving your goals fast.
Yuri_Arcurs | Canva Achievement and confidence do not always go hand in hand. We are told that success means believing in ourselves. Hearing that, in true achiever fashion, we try to force positive thoughts into a resistant brain. If I tell myself I'm competent, smart, and beautiful, the belief will follow. What if it doesn't? I'm left with failure: I've failed to believe in myself. What do the confident people know?
Here are 4 tiny secrets of confident achievers:
1. They know the difference between real confidence and a mirage
Not knowing does not equal failure, it equals willingness to learn. Look around at the confident people you know. Achievers are risk-takers. They put themselves into situations where they do not already know the terrain. At the start that means faking it til they make it. Faking it, that is, with a certain belief: I'll either succeed or I'll learn something. That's how they grow. Make a decision first then learn through doing. Don't pretend you know. Real confidence grows.
2. They are open to the value behind negative thoughts
A woman (I'll call her Sylvia) struggles to lose weight. Before children, she was a corporate middle manager with fabulous outfits. Now buried in child care she wears sweats and a lumpy middle to my office. She is desperate to get back that old self. One day I asked her to play the roles of two warring internal parts. We called them Rebel and Slave Driver. Rebel had binged on a bag of chocolates. Slave Driver was horrified, disgusted. I consulted Rebel, knowing each part of our personality serves a legitimate purpose. Rebel said her job was to get spontaneity back into Sylvia's life of drudgery. If Slave Driver were the only part, Sylvia's life would be unlivable. Suddenly Sylvia saw the wisdom in her sabotage. Both parts wanted the same thing, a vibrant life. The heat went out of the fight. It was time to seek balance.
3. They cultivate connections
Confidence does not mean flying solo. In the 1950s, Madmen years, a powerful person was the one who knew the most and shared knowledge the way a miser dispenses coins. Now the workplace keyword is collaboration. We accomplish more when we seek ideas and expertise from others. The same applies to family life. Raising a teen requires the skill of getting buy. Confidence arises out of the network, not out of what you already know.
4. They do unto themselves as they do unto others
The kinder you are to you, the more you will experience the worth of you. The more you value yourself, the more patience you will bring to those in your life. The more patience you bring, the more you will attract the same. Out comes a geyser of feel-good that starts by priming your self-worth.
Maureen McKane has been a social worker and therapist helping her clients do the work and find peace of mind for over 30 years.