Why More Women Need To Speak Up If The Sex Is Bad, According To A Former Escort
Some men mistake aggression for passion.
getty Believe it or not, couples who know how to have better sex are aware of the importance of effective communication.
It always amazed me how I could have a good connection with a man, find him attractive and interesting, but when we got to the bedroom, the sex was terrible!
My most memorable experience was with an escort client who was a youthful, charming 64 years old. During dinner, we easily talked, laughed, and found that we had so much in common.
However, once we were behind closed doors, he became an overbearing jerk.
He had this attitude that all sexual activities were his responsibility and I just needed to lie back and enjoy whatever he wanted to do to me.
Admittedly, that is absolutely fantastic when a man is good in bed. Part of being good in bed is the ability to sense how your partner is responding to you. He never just plows on ahead with his "routine".
I tried to pace him, slow him down by touching and kissing him the way I wanted to be touched and kissed. But, he was ignoring my responses to him! I could have been just anybody!
Despite his marriage of 42 years, his actions during sexual intercourse showed his lack of experience and knew nothing about a woman’s body.
He mistook aggression for passion.
Recently, I was interviewing a prospective coaching client. She shared how after a few years of marriage, she’d finally given up on her sex life. She felt so guilty about depriving her husband of sex that she hoped he’d have an affair!
He was very aggressive and it shut her down physically and emotionally in bed. She felt like sex was something he did to her and not something they shared. She’d had enough but was embarrassed to talk to him about their sexless marriage.
Married at a young age, she never had a chance to explore her own sexuality. She didn’t know what she needed, sexually, and was self-conscious discussing it.
Neither of them knew how to have good sex or how to communicate effectively about their situation.
After talking with me, she learned she was "normal" for wanting him to be different in bed. She was eventually able to share her desires with her husband and made some positive changes.
The couple who once couldn't communicate what they wanted were now having the best sex of their married life!
Meanwhile, do you want to know what happened with my Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde date?
After just 3 minutes in the bedroom with him, I blurted out, "What are you doing?! When a woman is pulling away from you, it means she doesn’t like what you’re doing!"
At first, he was offended. But, then, he softened.
He explained, "I’ve been on autopilot. I could always tell my wife didn’t like having sex with me, but I thought it was because she just didn’t like sex. I thought with escorts it would be different, but it hasn’t been. You’re the first to tell me why."
Many of us are caught in a sexual rut, even when we’d like things to change. We stay stuck because we’re ashamed to talk about sex. Or we feel bad because we’ve let a situation go on for so long, we can’t see a way to gracefully bring it up.
We suffer in silence and cause our partner to suffer too from our lack of sexual desire.
Your situation isn’t hopeless and your husband isn’t an insensitive jerk. He’s just clueless!
And sure, he’ll do the same lame things in bed because he gets off. Unless you’ve told him directly, he’s not going to know he’s not meeting your needs. Men think we’re satisfied in bed because we haven’t told them otherwise.
Once you clue your man into what you want and need, he will move heaven and earth to make it happen!
Mary Eriksen is a Master Law of Attraction Coach, meditation instructor and a #1 bestselling author of How to Keep Your Man Out of My Bed: A Call Girl’s Best Advice for Capturing Your Man's Undying Adoration, Love & Loyalty. For more information, visit her website.