What To Do If You Feel Like Your Husband Doesn't Care About You Anymore
Don't give up hope yet! Just because he doesn't show it doesn't mean it isn't there.
ALPA PROD / Shutterstock You know that soul-crushing feeling when you come to the realization that your husband seems to have stopped trying in your relationship.
You might even be asking yourself, "Does he still love me?"
Or, what some may think of as worse, "Does he even care about me anymore?"
Your thoughts lately have included things like, "I'm alone in this marriage. I’m doing all the work!" Or, "I think he’s given up on us!"
And, sadly, even, "Is my marriage over?"
It hurts. It’s unbelievable. You feel terrified! And then, you're angry. It feels like at every turn, your conversations with him just spiral into negativity. As hard as you try, it seems like this cycle of marriage problems and conflicts never ends. You move from stuck to even more stuck.
When you're the only one who cares about keeping your relationship together (or, at least, that's how it feels), your interactions with him begin to ooze with animosity, resentment, and anger.
So the real looming question becomes: What can you do about it?
Well, since you're reading this article, you've already taken the first step!
Believe it or not, no matter how distant he seems, you still have the power to shift your relationship to a more positive, loving place.
By fighting for your marriage and changing how you act (and react), there is a solid chance you can influence positive change and deepen your connection with your husband so that the two of you can come back as two people who care for each other more than ever before.
Is there a guarantee? If you follow these tips on how to save your marriage, you will shift yourself out of feeling stuck because you're actively doing something different about the situation.
Is there a risk? Of course. After all, you can't control his emotions, actions or reactions, nor can you change his mind about how he feels if he's made up his mind and is resigned to the fact that he feels the marriage is no longer worth caring about.
But doing nothing — or doing the same old thing (and getting the same disappointing results) — is a much bigger risk if you're hoping to make your marriage a success, than dooming your marriage to certain failure altogether.
9 Ways to save your marriage when you feel like your husband doesn't care about you
1. Start saying "I love you" again.
Tell him you love him every single day! This is an easy but important (and sometimes overlooked) reminder of how important caring for one another is in your marriage.
2. Give him sincere compliments.
Notice what he does right and compliment him for it.
By feeling seen and cared for as an individual who's understood by his most intimate partner, he will likely notice your efforts and want to reciprocate them.
3. Bring hugging back into your life.
Bridge the physical divide and give your man a hug. Tomorrow, give him another.
Physical touch is necessary for intimacy in your marriage and may remind your husband of how much he cares for you as a human he can touch and feel.
4. Romance him a bit.
Sprinkle his day with a few sweet, thoughtful gestures that show you're paying attention to what makes him feel happy and loved!
Don't make a big show of these gestures — just subtly add them to his day to make him feel like you still love and care for him the same way today as you did a year (or 35 years) ago, when you were still giving each other those first butterflies in the honeymoon stage of your courtship.
5. Focus on gratitude.
Stop complaining about every small annoyance in your married life and in general. Looking on the bright side is contagious.
Gratitude is another way of demonstrating a genuine appreciation for the little things, and men notice and appreciate this in the women they love — especially the one they're married to and hope to share a positive outlook on life with for many years to come.
He’ll fall in love with you all over again!
6. Smile more.
It's hard to resist a woman with a sincere grin on her face.
If you care about him, say it with a smile and watch how fast he starts smiling back at you.
7. Take an interest in him.
Be his best friend and listen to him with interest and enthusiasm.
Your husband took the time to get to know you out of a real desire to understand and love the person you are, and sometimes men don't feel as though they receive the same attention.
One of the best ways you can show your husband how much you care about him is by participating in one of his hobbies (even if it's just a couple of times — he'll see that you at least gave a good effort).
Ask about his close friends and if he wants to go to the concert his favorite band is playing next month (even if you can barely stand to hear them).
If they're that awful, buy a couple of tickets and tell him to go with his best friend, have a fun guys' night, and just enjoy himself.
8. Make nurturing yourself a priority.
It's great to appreciate how hard he works, but learn how to appreciate your own effort, as well.
The more you take care of yourself, the more energy you’ll have to devote to caring for, healing, and growing your relationship.
9. Show him you respect him.
When you treat him like a man, you’ll feel more like a woman.
Respect him as your man and watch the magic happen!
Now that you know how to remind him how incredibly worth caring for you truly are, remember that no relationship is without its share of problems.
If he has issues caring for others that require professional help or are beyond your scope for other reasons that you'll never be able to wrangle, realistically, this is the time to recognize that and decide how to address this in a way that's best for your own health.
What matters is that, if it's a marriage truly worth saving, you can rest assured you're doing everything you can to demonstrate your care for your husband and fix it while it's still salvageable.
Dr. Margot Brown is a couples therapist who has helped couples and individuals create happier lives for over twenty years. She’s the author of Kickstart Your Relationship Now! Move On Or Move Out.