4 False Ways Single People Think Being In A Relationship Will Make Their Life Better
Relationships are great, but they aren't everything.
Rock and Wasp / Shutterstock If you are single (especially if you've been so for a while), dating can be frustrating. You see all of these people in relationships and picture them having all of the things you want, but don't have.
However, don't leave those rose-colored glasses on for too long. I have discovered that many of the single people I work with have a number of false beliefs about being in a relationship.
But, the truth is, no couple is perfect. Relationship problems will still exist, even for the happiest couples.
Have you been single for a while and thought that being in a relationship is better for you? Do you want to dive back into the dating game and find the love of your life?
You, first, need to stop believing in these 4 false beliefs about relationships.
1. People in relationships are not lonely.
In my work with individuals and couples, I've found that people who are in relationships — including people who are married — are just as likely to be lonely as single people.
Having a partner doesn’t guarantee that you will not be lonely. In fact, some people who are in relationships are even more lonely than many single people. It can feel lonelier to be around someone who is unavailable for connection than to be alone.
Being with an angry, withdrawn, or needy person can feel extremely lonely.
Certainly, partners in a relationship who are available for connection are less lonely than single people.
When you are also open and available to connect, it's wonderful to be in a relationship with someone who is open and available to emotionally connect. But, way too often, this is not the case.
2. Being in a relationship will make you feel happy, safe, and secure.
Again, being in a relationship with someone who is loving and caring can lead to feeling more safe and secure, as well as happy.
But, what if you are with a partner who is angry, distant, disconnected, and/or verbally or physically abusive? When this is the case, you may end up feeling less secure and more unhappy.
Learn to create inner happiness by practicing Inner Bonding by developing your loving adult self who is connected with a spiritual source of wisdom and comfort.
This is what creates an inner sense of happiness, safety, and security, which can lead to finding a loving and caring partner. Instead of waiting for someone to do this for you, why not learn to do it for yourself?
3. Being in a relationship will give you a sense of self-worth.
If you are looking for a partner to make you feel worthy, you will likely end up with someone who is looking for the same thing.
Healthy relationships happen when each person already feels inherently valuable — not when they expect the other person to give them their sense of inner worth.
Believing that you can give another person their sense of worth is a huge false belief, just as believing that another can do this for you.
If you are judging yourself as unworthy and unlovable, you will continue to feel that way, no matter how loving another is to you. You may find that you have a very hard time taking in another's love if you believe you don't deserve it.
4. Being in a relationship will fill and complete you.
If you are abandoning yourself by judging yourself, staying in your head rather than being present in your body for your feelings, turning to various addictions to numb your feelings, and/or making someone else responsible for your feelings, you will feel empty and incomplete inside.
We feel full inside when we learn to love ourselves and share our love with others. It's not the getting of love from another that fills and completes us. It's learning how to connect with your source of love and filling yourself with love to share with another or others.
We feel full inside when we give to others from a loving heart, not when we give in order to get love. If you want to be in a relationship to get love rather than to share your love, you will likely end up either alone or in an unloving relationship.
So, here's an important piece of relationship advice: Learning how to love yourself is the key to finding a loving and healthy relationship.
Margaret Paul holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, noted public speaker, workshop leader, educator, chaplain, consultant, and artist. Start learning to love yourself and heal your relationships with her free Inner Bonding course.