How To "Get" Him To Commit

Have you ever tried to convince a man to commit by repeatedly talking about it, nagging, whining, threatening, issuing ultimatums, begging, crying and/or arguing?  Would that type of behavior make you want to commit?

What if I told you there was an easier way to achieve your goal? According to the book, Love Tactics, "It's very possible that a person is growing to love you but is not yet consciously aware of it." So how can you help your guy get in touch with his subconscious feelings?

What I'm about to tell you will go against every fiber in your being, every bone in your body, but it is, I believe, what usually works best when you want to move a relationship to the next level. It is two simple words: Go away.

Men fall in love "in the spaces", when you're not around. Unlike women, who are usually quite aware of their feelings for someone, men usually get in touch with their feelings when they realize they miss their woman. If women are always there complaining and begging for a commitment, they miss out on giving their man the gift of missing them.

I was living in Italy with my boyfriend of 5 years when I decided I wanted to check out Los Angeles to see if I wanted to live here. The one time the "m" word had ever come up in our relationship, he'd said rather smugly, "I'm never going to marry you". In my typical fashion, I answered, "I don't care."

I had been in L.A. for about a month when he called and asked me to marry him. He'd realized I was the one for him, he didn't need to keep looking and he was willing to wait as long as it took. I had never discussed marriage with him, never had "the talk". I just did my thing and when I wasn't around, my absence forced him to face his true feelings for me.

My girlfriend Pam had been dating Mark for 5 years. They were non-exclusive because whenever one of them wanted a commitment, the other one didn't and vice versa. At the time, Pam was working in Austin and Mark was in L.A. During one of her visits, Pam found an empty condom wrapper at Mark's place. She knew he was seeing other people, but she realized she was no longer okay with that and she was ready for a commitment.

When she tried to discuss it with Mark, his response was to yell, "I'M NOT READY!" She went back to Texas, changed her number and mentally prepared to move on. When Mark tried to contact her and couldn't reach her, he was hit with the realization that she was serious about a commitment.

He had lunch with several married friends, who convinced him he'd messed up. He missed Pam and didn't have much interest in any of the other women he was seeing. This prompted him to track her down and fly out to Austin. While he wasn't yet ready for marriage, he was ready to take the next step and move in together. Two years later he proposed and I was a bridesmaid at a beautiful wedding overlooking a cliff in Malibu. Mark says his only regret is that he didn't do it sooner!

As you can see, in each situation, there was no intentional manipulation involved.  If you really are ready to move on, then do it. However, don't do it because you think it will make your man come running after you or make him finally propose, because if he doesn't and you go back with him, you've lost all credibility.

To quote Sugar Ray, "When it's over, that's the time I fall in love again".