5 Signs Your Libido Is Lagging & Hurting Your Relationship (Plus: 4 Ways To Get It Back)
Have you noticed a change in your level of desire? Are you less interested in sex and intimacy?
What is libido? Libido is a person's level of sex drive, and it can range from high libido to low libido to no sex drive at all.
Remember, at the beginning of your relationship, when all you could think of was getting him alone? You dreamed of sex, daydreamed about sex, and even found it difficult to concentrate because your sex drive was constantly kicked into high gear? Those are all signs of increased or high libido.
The fact is, our levels of sexual desire, also called libido, fluctuate over time and can range from high libido to low libido depending on a variety of factors. Libido is impacted by physical challenges (hormonal problems, pregnancy, birth, illness, menopause to name a few) and psychological challenges (depression, anxiety, shame, relationship breakdown, for example).
As a result, it can be hard to notice the loss of libido because it often happens slowly or during turbulent times in our lives.
Here are 5 signs you have low libido:
1. You have less desire to masturbate.
The Gossard Big M Survey found that 92 percent of women between 18 and 30 masturbate up to three times per week. The National Sex Survey done by researchers at the University of Indiana found throughout the lifespan that percentages ran between 43 percent and 85 percent. Most of us masturbate regularly. If you suddenly begin to masturbate once a month or less, this is a sure sign of low libido and low sex drive.
2. You spend less time noticing hot men and/or women.
You used to notice all the hot men or women in your environment, on the street, on television, or when out with friends. Now, you rarely notice someone — or you only find yourself looking when friends point someone out. This is another sign of low libido.
3. If you have a partner, you initiate sex less often.
And if you don’t have a partner, you don’t feel a need to go look for one. That's a sign that you're suffering from low sex drive.
4. You turn your partner down more often.
You seem to have many more reasons that you don’t feel like having sex right now because your libido is low. The timing never feels right. If you were really honest, most of the time you don’t care if you have sex again. (This last point is only true when you've had a low sex drive for a long time.)
5. You aren’t as concerned about how you look to others.
Have you been conscious of your looks for most of your life? Do you check and recheck yourself in the mirror? Do you always try to do the best with what you have, and if you are really unhappy, try to change the things you have some control about (weight, muscle mass, hair length, and style)?
If you have stopped paying attention, this is a sign that your libido is lagging.
What can you do if you notice these signs to increase your libido?
1. The first thing to check is your physical health.
If you haven’t had a medical check in a while, now is the time to go and get a full check-up. Make sure that you are eating well and getting all your vitamins and minerals. Lots of people have deficiencies. In the UK, two-thirds of the population is low in vitamin D.
Why is this important? Well, Vitamin D is necessary for the absorption of calcium and that is necessary for bone growth and bone strength. Vitamin D deficiency is linked to breast cancer, prostate cancer, colon cancer, depression, and weight gain. Vitamin D helps keep your energy levels at a reasonable level. If you are exhausted, you are not likely to have very high libido.
2. Next, have a look at your stress levels.
Are you getting enough sleep? Are you spending enough time relaxing and enjoying yourself? If your stress levels are high, reducing them may be imperative if you want your libido to return.
3. Take a closer look at your relationship.
If you are in a relationship, what is your relationship like at the moment? Have you been connecting with your partner regularly? If you are single, are you dating? Are you spending much meeting people? Sometimes, it helps to take a "do it anyway" attitude. Plan a date night with your partner if you are in a relationship. Head out for an evening event if you are single.
4. For women, are you in menopause?
If you have begun menopause, decreased libido and decreased sexual enjoyment can be symptoms that come along with the change in your hormone levels. Coping with loss of libido, sensation, and dried out tissues can be extremely hard and place strains on all relationships.
Each woman has a different experience, however. Some women don’t want to be touched at all during menopause. Others enjoy cuddling but don’t manage any further intimacy.
If this is the case, there is a lot you can do to bring back your libido. There are a variety of natural treatments to help re-balance estrogen levels and increase testosterone levels, which will result in an increase in libido.
Menopause expert Maryon Stewart and I are working on comprehensive solutions to bring back libido and increase intimacy. We want to better understand and quantify how women going through menopause feel about their relationships and their sex lives.
That's why we've developed an anonymous survey that will only take a short time to complete. Take the survey here.
To thank you for completing the survey, you will receive our free download, Rekindling Relationships Naturally. The survey results will be used to raise awareness about the difficulties women face, which will then lead to the development of helpful treatments that repair tissues and rekindle libido.
You can get your mojo back. You just need the right information at your fingertips.
Dr. Lori Beth is a sex & intimacy coach and psychologist who works with individuals, couples and polyamorous groups to help them explore sexuality, recreate a healthy sexual identity after trauma as well as deepen their awareness and understanding about intimate relationships. She hosts two podcasts: The A to Z of Sex and Sex Spoken Here every week. Book a discovery session to see how she can help you increase your libido and get your sexual energy back.