How To Uncover Your Deepest, Sexiest Turn-Ons (For The Hottest Sex Of Your Life)
Ask yourself these 5 questions.
Arousal begins in the mind and is fed by all of our senses.
Each of us has a unique set of sensory triggers, sensations, and experiences that turn us on.
Even for those of us who experience arousal through visual means — seeing someone we find attractive, for example — vision is not simply in the eyes. The eyes are one part of the visual system and the central part of the system is located in the brain.
Scent can trigger arousal more quickly than most other senses. If someone smells good, smells sexy, that can be an instant turn-on.
The sound of someone’s voice can trigger immediate arousal, and arousal is essential for sexual satisfaction.
These little sensory triggers can lead to big rewards when it comes to sexual satisfaction. And knowing what turns you on — and what makes your partner turned on — can lead to much better sex!
Here's how to connect your personal sensory turn-ons to what can really amplify your sexual pleasure:
1. Notice what things first grab your attention when you get turned on.
If you want to know what turns you on the most, look at your arousal patterns.
Clues to arousal patterns can be found in the things that first catch our attention. For example, are you quick to notice imagery, color, form? Do you react to striking pictures? Seek out visual imagery? If so, then visuals are probably a key to your arousal pattern.
Does a deep bass voice make your knees weak? Or a sweet contralto voice make you turn to jelly? Is your first priority to make sure the music is right to set the mood? If so, then auditory may be a key to your arousal pattern.
Are you very oral? Is kissing essential to good sex for you? Taste is likely to be part of your pattern.
2. Pay attention to the way you talk.
Pointers to your arousal patterns can also be found in the way you talk — the words you choose, the phrases and the emphasis.
For example, when you talk about feeling good, what adjectives do you choose? I have been known to say ‘I feel delicious’. People talk about plans ‘sounding good’ or ‘looking good’. When you see or meet someone you find attractive do you refer to them as tasty?
If you want to uncover what turns someone on the most sexually, listen to the way they refer to sex and pleasure and the way they refer to dates, partners, and potential partners.
3. Your viewing and reading preferences will also provide tips as to what turns you on the most, sexually.
What kind of erotica do you read?
If you don’t read erotica, what kind of romance or love stories do you like?
If the stories are really romantic, where courting takes a long time and sex is earth shaking when it finally happens, this suggests you are highly turned on by the romance of sex and partners who either sweep you off your feet or partners who you can sweep off their feet.
If you would like to explore erotica but are not sure what to look for, why not take my test here.
Do you prefer to watch things that might arouse you?
Some people enjoy pornography with their partners. Others prefer to watch it alone. Either way, the type of pornography you enjoy will highlight the things that turn you on.
Pay attention to your physical responses when you are watching to find out more about what turns you on the most sexually.
Some people are uncomfortable with pornography. Luckily, there are lots of movies that are not pornography (or not quite pornography) but that are very sexy.
For example, Swept Away with Giancarlo Giannini and by Lina Wertmuller is an incredibly hot film that is not pornographic. If you want other suggestions of movies that are not pornography, download my free eBook 74 Movies.
4. What are some of your sexual fantasies?
Next to figure out what turns you on most sexually, spend some time reviewing your favorite sexual fantasies and your best past sexual experiences.
Make sure you have at least an hour of protected time. Protected time simply means setting aside time in which you won’t be interrupted.
Create a comfortable space. You might get really turned on while reliving your favorite experiences or your hottest fantasies, so consider disappearing to your bedroom or at least a comfortable settee or chair.
Shut out as many distractions as possible. If you can, turn off your phone(s), laptop, pads. Dim the lights. Put on music that encourages a sexy mood. Or if music doesn’t appeal, find a way to minimize the noise that might distract you.
Take your time. You will want to do this a few times — to give you the opportunity to relive all the best experiences and/or fantasies.
Each time you finish, make a note of what turned you on sexually the most about the experience. Was there a particular part? Was it the whole experience?
Once you have looked at a few experiences and fantasies, see if there is any pattern.
Do these experiences have anything in common? A person, a sexual activity, a tone (rough sex or slow and gentle, for example)?
5. Finally, to really hone in on what turns you on the most sexually, take all that you have learned through these earlier steps and experiment with a partner.
See what aspects of your experiences make you the hottest.
Switch things up and see if the experience is hotter or not as good.
One of my clients, Janna, realized that oral sex turned her on the most.
She decided to do a "blow job and cunnilingus experiment" to see what might make the sex even more mind-blowing. She kept notes after each experiment and rated the sex 1 to 10 with 1 being boring and 10 being out of this world.
After 12 weeks of experimenting, she came to me to share her results. Janna said, "Blow jobs turn me on the most when I can start when my husband is not fully aroused, and then slowly work on him until he is erect. I love to stop when he is just about to orgasm and then start again. Oral sex is best when my legs are flat on the bed and when he is clean-shaven."
Don’t forget to share with any partner what turns you on the most sexually.
Once you learn these things about what turns you on, you have to communicate in order for your sexual desires to be fulfilled.
Dr Lori Beth is a sex & intimacy coach and psychologist who works with individuals, couples and polyamorous groups to help them explore sexuality, recreate a healthy sexual identity after trauma as well as deepen their awareness and understanding about intimate relationships. Join her for a free teleseminar on 23rd August : 4 Secrets for Arousing and Igniting Your Authentic Sexual Self and learn why millions of men and women suffer in silence from sexual dissatisfaction and how you can stop being one of them.