7 Ways To Say 'I Love You' To Your Partner, Even When You're Fighting
Don't let anger mess up a great relationship.
Someone who really loves you knows what a mess you can be, how moody you can get, how hard you are to handle. But they still want you in their life, even when you're angry and forget how to communicate.
And it's nearly impossible to feel that love in the middle of a knock-down, drag out fight, even with someone you love. Your relationship happiness is nowhere to be found when you’re mad, so let’s not set up unrealistic expectations.
Instead, hone your communication skills and find ways to get through your quarrels in a more loving manner. Here are seven ways to say "I love you," even when you're angry with the one you love.
1. Take a minute/Give a minute.
You can’t move forward as a couple when either person is having a fit. Take a quick walk, go in another room, or do whatever it takes to settle down. Stop and think before you speak because sometimes you can’t it take it back — your relationship is too important to risk that.
When we’re stressed, we hyperventilate or over-breathe, which can cause symptoms that make us feel panicked. Remember, the goal is to come to some agreement with your loved one. Pay attention and slow yourself down, take some deep breaths, and relax during your discussion.
2. Sleep on it.
Sometimes one or both of you just needs a break from the discussion. One of the most loving things you can do is allow the other some time to process or even sleep on it. If you never go to bed angry, just agree that you’ll refresh and discuss it later.
It takes a very strong person to let it go for the moment, but remember: you’re in love and that’s what matters most. Tomorrow will come soon enough. Rest well in knowing that a resolution will come.
3. Refrain from saying, "I love you, but..."
Saying "I love you" during an argument can be a great way to remind your partner that your love is much bigger than a fight. However, you must keep your “but” out of the way. So if you’re going to say it, just say it.
For example, instead of saying, "I love you, but you need to change your ways," try, "I love you and I’d like to figure out schedule that will work better for you and I."
4. Say you’re sorry for your part of the fight.
There’s no better way to defuse negative intensity than admitting when you’re wrong. There are two sides to every story and most situations are not one person’s fault. So saying you’re sorry for your part of it will enhance trust and calmness between the two of you.
Doing this first will really show how much you care about your significant other. It may even resolve the situation much quicker as both of your guards will come down.
5. Keep your ego on lock.
Your loved ones want you to be your authentic self. It’s so easy to get defensive and mean, even if that’s not what you originally intended to do.
Make a commitment that you will listen without thinking ahead. Tell your loved one you understand their points and come to some common ground as quickly as possible. Figure out where you both agree, and go from there.
6. Show affection.
I love this advice from blogger Megan Finley: "Show your loved one a physical sign that you still love them, especially during a disagreement."
Come up with this together ahead of time, and agree that you will show it to each other during good and bad times. It reminds both of you that love conquers all, even a nasty old fight.
7. Use technology to show you care.
Send a text message with kind words to show your love, even during times of turmoil. Don’t over say it because the last thing you want to give is a mixed message. Keep it simple: "I adore you" or "You mean everything to me."
Don’t start begging for forgiveness or making your points via text. This will bring the tiff back up and, even worse, things get heated up again over the phone. It’s important to be in person as often as possible to hear the tone of voice, see facial expressions and be present for emotions.
It’s not easy being loving when you’re mad. After all, anger is one of the strongest human emotions on the planet. Can you let love shine even when it rains on your relationships? The true test is how you treat your loved ones during the storm.
Lori Peters is an author, speaker, radio show host and dating coach. Visit her website for more information.