How To Understand Your Yoni Better

This week, I had a patient who came in because of an abnormal pap smear, but we ended up chatting a whole lot more about the anatomy of girl parts. It still amazes me how many of you out there still don’t really understand the vagina (which includes your vulva, clitoris, etc…you get the picture).

So this post is my gift to all of you for whom “down there” is still a mystery. I can see you all blushing now (Oh my, that doctor just said the word pussy!) But don’t be shy or embarrassed. Owning Your Body is all part of Owning Pink, and you have to understand it to own it. You ready?

Meet Yoni

I don’t mean to insult anyone who is already very in touch with her body, but in case you’re one of those women who has never been introduced to Yoni (what I call my girly parts), let me introduce you. Ladies...Yoni. Yoni...Ladies. Or you can make it more personal.

What do you call your girly parts? If you’re still calling it Front Bottom or Pee Pee after raising your kids, maybe it’s time to reclaim your girly parts for yourself. I taught an Owning Sexuality workshop and one woman named hers Elizabeth. 

What about you? Have you named your girly parts? Try it! Be creative. Close your eyes and let the name come to you, then start using it. You might be surprised what comes up. Today, I’m going to invite you to Own Pink by taking a tour of your girly parts, whatever you call them. Are you ready? Wheee!!!! Here we go!

What You’ll Need For this tour:

1. A private room with a door you can lock
2. A hand mirror or a full-length mirror you can straddle up to
3. A nonjudgmental mind
4. A smile on your face (Yes, you can giggle. In fact, I encourage it.)

Take the Tour

Step 1: Take your hand mirror. Or if you’re one of those limber yogis, just straddle up to a full length mirror, and open your legs all the way, so you can get a good look at yourself. If you’re not that limber, just lie on your back frog-legged and hold the mirror where you can see yourself.

Step 2: Take a gander at yourself, and release all judgment. If you hear yourself saying, “Ewww…how ugly,” trying turning your negative thought into an affirmation, such as “Thank you, vulva, for protecting my delicate vagina from the outside world,” or something like that. You’d be surprised how many women have never done this and really don’t know what’s what. How can you Own Your Body if you’ve never even looked at it? Make a commitment to knowing and loving your body, just as it is.

Step 3: Approaching your body with a sense of gratitude.

The Vulva and Clitoris

First, let me get you oriented. When you look in the mirror, you’re going to see a mound of pubic hair at the top. This is called the mons pubis. It doesn’t serve much function other than alerting your sexual partner that there are some good gems hidden underneath your bush.

When you spread your legs apart, you will see your vulva, the whole collection of outside parts. Within it, you will notice two sets of labia. The labia majora consist of the two meatier, outermost lips. Just inside the labia majora are the labia minora, the two thinner, inner lips. These outer structures serve to protect the delicate structures that lie beneath the surface.

When you spread the labia open, you will see the rest of your genitals. If you look just below the mons pubis, the first thing you’ll come across is your clitoris. It’s the nerve-laden nub of tissue at the very top of your genitals, just below the mons pubis. This is the only organ in either the male or the female body designed exclusively for sexual pleasure. Pretty cool, huh?

The Urethra

If you go down from the clitoris, the next major landmark you’ll hit is the first of your three holes: the urethra, which is the tube that connects your bladder to the outside world. You urinate out of your urethra and your Skene’s glands, which are located just inside the urethra, are believed to be the origin of the elusive and controversial female ejaculation.

In some women, during some orgasms, fluid may be expelled from the urethra. (If this has never happened to you, don’t worry. It only happens to some women, and even among those women, it doesn’t happen every time.)

The Hymen

Moving further south, you will come across the opening to your second hole: the vagina, which is a larger hole than the urethra and serves several important functions. The hymen, or what remains of it, lives right at the entrance to the vagina, right at the introitus.

If you imagine the vagina as the sleeve of a men’s dress shirt, the hymen is its cuff. Usually, in adult women who have had sex, the hymen looks like a rag-tag pink, fleshy circle around the vaginal opening, which may have several breaks in the circle or may no longer be visible, especially if you’ve had children.

The Vagina

Just past the hymen is the vagina, which is a potential space, meaning that, if nothing is holding it open, it collapses on itself like a sock without a foot in it. But the walls of the vagina are stretchy and allow it to expand. When you look at it, you won’t see this giant cavity.

Instead, you’ll just see an opening, which can expand to serve its function. This is the mother of all pussy places. The vagina is the place where sexual intercourse happens, and during childbirth, it serves as the birth canal, stretching to allow a baby to come through.

Outside of reproduction, it is the place where menstrual blood leaves the body, where the controversial G-spot lives, and where any number of Pretty Pink sexual activities take place.

The Perineum

Still heading south, if you leave the vagina, the next thing you encounter is the perineum, the tissue between the vaginal opening and the anus, the opening to the rectum. The perineum is where you might see an episiotomy scar or tear if you’ve had a baby.

It is also the most common area infected by certain sexually transmitted diseases, such as herpes and genital warts. Functionally, the perineum serves to separate the vagina from the rectum, with all its potentially harmful fecal bacteria, but recreationally, this very sensitive tissue is part of sex-play for many couples.

The Anus

Last but not least comes your third hole, the anus, leading to your rectum, which is the end of the gastrointestinal tract that starts at your mouth. Surrounded by the anal sphincter, which is under your muscular control and serves to hold in poop and gas, the anus looks like a mouth that just ate a lemon, all puckered up and wrinkled.

Like the vagina, the rectum is a potential space, so when there’s nothing in it, it collapses in on itself, but when it’s filled with feces, it dilates, and the anal sphincter relaxes to let it out.

Step 4: Pat yourself down there. You did it! Thank yourself for taking the time to know your body better, and affirm your girly parts for all the beautiful things they do for you.

To Own Pink, you must Own Your Body. You can’t hide it under panties and skinny jeans and pretend it’s not there. It’s all part of being a woman and being comfortable in your skin. Own it, baby!

How was that for you? Please tell me about it in the comments section. Are you laughing? Do you feel empowered? Are you inspired to talk to your daughter to help her own her body? Tell me what you think!