Ask Yourself These 4 Questions If You’re Ready To Find True Love (& Maybe Even Your Soulmate)
Are you ready for real love?
Unsplash "Why do I keep falling into a bad relationship?"
"What is it about me that attracts abusive and manipulative partners?"
Those are two of the most common questions from those searching for an honest, loving, long-term relationship. It does not seem to matter if you're a man or a woman, finding true love and your soulmate gets complicated.
It's not impossible but it takes work. The truth is that you need to do the work, yourself. As you become your best you and let go of a lot of the old patterns, habits, beliefs, and stereotypes of yourself, you give off a different energy and attract different people. Eventually attracting that real love you've been looking for.
The vibe or frequency a person gives off is really a sum of their belief system and programed behaviors. It is what your subconscious believes and projects about you.
People with matching or similar patterns will feel comfortable and be attracted to you. You will feel comfortable with them even if they are bad for you because it's what you've always known. That is a poor choice for finding true love.
If you're asking yourself how to find true love or "why am I still single," and want to get the relationship you deserve, ask yourself these 4 questions instead.
1. "Do I want someone to take care of me?"
Most will say "no", but their behavior belies the words. Deep down is a need for someone else to be responsible and provide for you. On the opposite side, subconsciously, there is a wall that does not let anyone give to you because no one is trustworthy. Either one in the extreme will undermine a deep loving relationship.
Childhood traumas related to being cared for, abused, or neglected (either physically or emotionally) need to be resolved. Without dealing with your own patterns in this area, you will attract exactly what you grew up with.
Why is it important? Because you attract that which you spend your most emotional energy on. If fears from the past dominate your subconscious then that is what will repeat.
It does not matter how many affirmations you do or how much you try to talk your conscious self into a different belief, your childhood patterns will always win unless you do the work to address and resolve the need to hold on to your subconscious or hidden beliefs.
2. "Do I want someone to protect me?"
Of course, a good partner will protect you, in an urgent threatening situation. They will protect your reputation, image, and integrity. You have the self-confidence to put yourself out there and they will be there to support that.
The rub comes when the boundary between when to protect and when to let you do your thing gets blurred. Your true love will let you try and fail if necessary, but they will be there to help you grow and evolve through the mess. They will give you a heads up if they see something you need to know but won’t take over.
However, many times, your own internal fears about yourself will project a need or a want for a protector and they will jump in too fast. You are signaling the behavior you don’t want.
Knowing someone has your back and being roped in to keep you safe are very different. People with personality issues around power and control seek out people who are looking for someone who lets them set the circle and then slowly close it in — all in the name of protecting you.
Doing your own work around taking risks, standing up for yourself, and setting and enforcing boundaries, as well as having a clear vision of your future self, are critical to avoid the "protector" trap of controlling relationships.
3. "Do I want an equal who is not threatened by ambition and success?"
We all want that, right? Or do we? Someone with low self-image often cannot accept success in the other.
We even sabotage their success and our own ambitions by our beliefs around worth and who can be successful. When we understand our own worth and clean up our own self-image by forgiving ourselves for past mistakes, then we exude the vibes that attract someone who is not threatened by success.
When you deal with any victim mentality and learn to take responsibility for your own feelings and actions, you open up the possibility of letting another into our true heart.
Examine your actions and thoughts and see where you blame someone else, or want someone else to take responsibility for what happens to you. Those are the areas that need healing and growth. Those are rooted in past wounds that have not healed. Deal with those and free your heart if you want to find your kindred spirit.
4. "Am I ready to move on?"
One of the hardest lessons on finding love is that as we grow and deal with our own stuff, we have to be willing to let go of the place, people, activities, and beliefs that hold us in a place where our true love is not.
As you heal your wounds, change your beliefs, and become clear about who you are, your old friends and habits have to change. You won’t sustain the changes unless you let go and reach up to find people and social groups that are more in tune with the new you.
You may go through various phases of change and have to upgrade your social circle and close friends until you are who you want to be.
So, what is true love? When you are clear and vibrating the future self you want, you will be in a place to meet a person that matches the new strong, clear you. That is the place where true love can grow.
Love yourself first and then radiate out that love and an equal response will find you.
Linda Easthouse is a stress management coach, energy medicine professional, radionics master, and best-selling author. For more information, visit her website.