How To Instantly Tell If Someone Is Lying To You
Become a human lie detector so you don't get fooled again.
Albert Vincent Wu | Unsplash Have you ever thought someone was a liar? You might be right if you pay close attention to a few things, including their facial expressions, body language, what they say, and even their tone of voice.
Here's how to instantly tell if someone is lying to you:
1. Watch for stress signals.
Usually, it's pretty hard to spot a pathological liar since they act very naturally when they lie. Yet, they still seem a little stressed. Watch for stress signals such as rubbing their hands together or fidgeting. Do they have a forced or frozen smile? Do you notice any unusual breaks in their gestures? Our first stress response is to freeze. So, if you notice an unusual break, this is a sign of lying.
2. Pay close attention to their eyes.
The notion a person cannot look you in the eyes while lying to you is a myth! This may be true for some inexperienced liars, but studies show pathological liars may use too much eye contact since they try very hard to convince you. The signal that may give them away, though, is that their pupils dilate when they tell a lie. Also, their blink rate slows down while they construct and tell a lie, and then it speeds back up. According to Jack Schafer, Ph.D., this happens because "Pupil dilation normally indicates an increase in cognitive demand [and] liars usually experience an increase in cognitive demand."
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3. Keep track of contradictions.
A compulsive liar tends to lie so much that their lies begin to contradict. Compare stories with mutual friends and the person you suspect of being a pathological liar. See if you notice certain details have changed. Also, when asked something, most liars will avoid the truth by answering questions by using quasi-denials.
4. Listen to their vocal pitch.
Experts reveal basic vocal pitch rises under stressful conditions because the vocal cords constrict. Body language expert Carol Kinsey Gorman also says, "Under stress, people may also experience an increased need to drink water and to lick or moisten their lips, as the autonomic nervous system downloads a rush of adrenaline, causing dry mouth."
5. Observe certain non-verbal actions.
David DeSteno, professor of psychology at Northeastern University, discovered four gestures that indicate someone could be lying or hiding the truth.
This specific cluster of nonverbal signals has been proven statistically to accompany dishonesty:
- Hand touching
- Face touching
- Crossing arms
- Leaning away
Hearing a white lie here or there is one thing, but being lied to regularly is extremely frustrating and hurtful. It's even worse when you have no idea you are being lied to. That's why knowing how to tell if someone is lying is crucial, particularly if you think the person may be a pathological liar.
What is a pathological liar, and why do they lie?
According to Psych Central's Encyclopedia of Psychology: "Pathological lying (PL) is a chronic behavior characterized by the habitual or compulsive telling of lies. While the average person will tell an occasional untruth to avoid getting into trouble or to avoid hurting another person’s feelings (e.g., “That dress looks great on you!”), a pathological liar appears to lie for no apparent reason or personal gain."
Some would say pathological liars are addicted to lying, and studies show most people who lie this way do so to seek attention. They tell unbelievable stories, often exaggerate, and sometimes might paint themselves as a victim to gain attention. Studies show people with low self-esteem are more likely to lie compulsively to make themselves feel better about what they have in life and about their accomplishments.
What is pathological lying?
Also known as compulsive, chronic, or habitual lying, compulsive liars may feel pleasure by lying. Telling the truth is not half as much fun and can affect them with "withdrawal" symptoms, like with addictions. Compulsive liars often find the truth almost physically uncomfortable, and most pathological liars would even tell stories that are self-incriminating to seek attention.
When dealing with a pathological liar, it's crucial to establish a true baseline. This is what they do when hooking someone up to a lie detector test. This is crucial when learning how to tell if someone is lying to you. So, how do you do this and spot a liar without one of these machines?
For starters, you want to observe them and their behavior under relaxed or stress-free conditions to see if you can detect obvious deviations. You could try to ask them a series of simple questions and observe how they behave when they have no reason to lie. Then, pay attention to any changes in their behavior that may indicate they're lying.
It's not always easy to spot a pathological liar, but it's possible to tell when someone is lying to you if you pay attention to their patterns. Be sure to trust your instincts and make note of the signs above.
Doren Weinstein is a certified life, relationship, and business coach who skillfully navigates clients through the changes they seek and the goals they wish to accomplish.