5 Ways To FINALLY Accept (And LOVE) Your Imperfections

We've been brought up to believe we can have it all, and we can do it all.

It doesn't take long to figure out this is a lie.

We're working harder than we have ever worked, and many of us are left feeling that we can barely keep up. Who are we trying to keep up with, anyway? The Kardashians?

Hollywood has left us believing that not only can we have it all, but we must look absolutely perfect while doing it.

I have many female friends and clients, and I've never come across a single one that doesn't want to change something about the way they look. They claim that they're either "too fat", or their "nose is too big", or they "don't make enough money", or just simply don't feel "pretty enough". I hear this from all women, no matter the age or ethnicity. 

I have come to the conclusion that women tend to be WAY harder on themselves than they are on others — they need to change their internal dialog. 

Here are five ways to quit holding yourself back and go after what you want:

1. Stop saying sorry for not being perfect.

This is one I hear a lot: "I have to do a perfect job." Nobody is perfect, so stop telling yourself that you have to be perfect. Go easy on yourself when you make a mistake and learn to move on.

2. Say "NO!" to negativity. 

Sometimes, women tend to forget about the positive and focus on the negative. It's OK to want to improve yourself, but don't become obsessed with it. Instead of telling yourself that your nose is "too big," tell yourself it is just right and that you are pretty.

3. Quit focusing on what you are not. You are enough.

Women, stop scolding yourself. It really can get messy. Instead, embrace your curves (or your skinniness) and stop comparing yourself to someone else.

4. Stop worrying about what other people might think of you. 

We are always trying to figure out what others think of us, and we tend to tell ourselves that people see us negatively — this especially applies to women. This can stop us from trying new things because we are worried what others will think.

I say, if you want to wear that hot pink blouse to the office, then wear it. Who cares what anybody else has to say about it? Stop allowing people's judgment to make decisions for you and start making your own choices. 

5. Be present in the NOW.

Women spend a lot of time trying to plan what their future will look like, when really, no one is capable of predicting what's going to happen. If we could, then the weather man/woman would always be right. If you're going to spend all that time worrying about the future, then you might as well spend your time anticipating a positive outcome, no matter what happens.

These are also known as cognitive distortions. We are all guilty of them. If you find that you can't stop your self-harming thoughts, then it's time to talk to someone about it. The way we think about our self, not only affects us but if affects those around us.

Lianne Avila is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She is also the founder of LessonsforLove.com. You can learn more about her at her website.