3 Reasons Why Couples Who Communicate Have The Best Sex Ever
Want a hotter sex life? Communication is better than any new sex toy or position.
by Flora Westbrook from Pexels A good sex life is usually equated with exciting positions, new places and sex toys galore (at least if we’re to believe pop culture’s take on it!). But the secret to a great sex life in a healthy relationship is actually ... communication!
Couples in relationships may think that the best sex ever boils down to how they have sex and incorporating new toys or unique positions. But better sex doesn't come just from sexual technique and performance. Although these things are important — they’re not the only way to make your love life better.
Believe it or not, communication in your relationship is actually one of the most effective ways of turning your sex life from mundane to wonderful. It’s not only crucial to be able to talk about sex, it’s also important to cultivate healthy communication in your relationship on a daily basis.
Here are 3 ways improved communication can have a lasting positive effect on your sex life.
1. With better communication comes increased closeness.
... And increased closeness leads to better sex. For some, sex is a way of getting closer to your partner. This, in turn, strengthens your bond and makes it easier for you to communicate about other things in life.
For others, an emotional connection is needed for sexual desire to be sparked. This means you may need to feel intimate on other levels to fully engage in sex.
You can create emotional intimacy through effective communication.
One way of creating emotional intimacy is strengthening your communication skills. Communication is usually thought of as merely talking, but it actually encompasses a whole range of behaviors. For example:
- Physically touching your partner is a way of letting them know you’re there for them or showing them what you need
- Sighs or other sounds let your partner know how you’re feeling without actually using words
- Texting, emailing, and talking are all ways of engaging with your partner and showing interest in them
Healthy communication is all about listening, validating, and responding to your partner.
When you get the hang of it, you’re likely to feel closer to your partner throughout the day, even if you have little time or your children are screaming bloody murder in the next room.
When this sense of emotional intimacy is felt, it increases the chances of you and your partner feeling like you can let your guard down during sex, release inhibitions, and be who you truly are, sexually.
Sex can be a vulnerable experience.
Oftentimes, sex is equated with shame. This is because of societal norms that dictate what you should and shouldn’t get off to, who is worthy of sexual fulfillment and who isn’t, or ideas about sex being a dirty, shameful act.
When you feel closer to your partner and can let go during sex, feelings of shame or guilt subside easily.
Greater intimacy on a day-to-day basis can also enable communication during sex to flow with greater ease. And showing who you really are between the sheets makes for better sex for both of you.
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2. Communicating about sex leads to better sex.
When you’ve got the hang of communication in your relationship, the skill tends to spill over into other areas of life, such as your sex life.
Being able to listen to your partner’s sexual needs and wants while also communicating your own is one of the best ways to create a sex life you both enjoy.
Most couples struggle to talk about sex.
The subject of sex can make some couples feel a little unsettled. Addressing sexual communication is important in healthy relationships — no matter the problem you want help with.
Sexual communication can feel like an intimidating task and bring up all sorts of ideas in your head about having to “talk dirty” or be incredibly vocal during sex. Even if these are two things that definitely can bring some spark into the bedroom, communication about sex is so much more than this.
What does communicating about sex with your partner look like?
It’s about communicating before, during, and after sex. It’s about telling your partner what you like and what you dislike (in a nice way, of course!). It’s about taking an interest in what your partner desires and validating their wants, even if you don’t share them.
The benefits of free-flowing sexual communication.
When you know more about each other’s sexuality and feel more relaxed discussing sex, it usually leads to a more satisfying sex life. No longer will you have to wonder whether your spouse really enjoys what you’re doing, or if another technique would be preferable.
And gone are the days when sex always has to adhere to a certain pattern.
Communication enables experimentation which can be a great way of regaining your libido and strengthening your bond as a couple.
3. Effective communication makes it easier to respect each other’s boundaries and sexual differences, allowing you to have more satisfying sex.
Communication in your relationship isn’t only important for increasing a general sense of intimacy and voicing your sexual preferences — it’s also key to talking about boundaries and differences.
For example: Without letting your partner know why emotional intimacy needs to precede sexual intimacy for you to get in the mood, sex can become a difficult part of your relationship.
Only through communication can your partner know what you need and help you along the way. The same goes for respecting sexual differences in your relationships.
Mismatched libidos and differing preferences for sexual activities are more common than uncommon. This means you need to find ways of talking about your differences, in order for you to work around them and accept them.
If your partner doesn’t know you need to feel close to them to want to have sex — their constant sexual initiatives will start to make you feel anxious. Perhaps you’ll want to distance yourself for fear of having to turn them down yet again. In turn, your partner might feel frustrated, unattractive, and worried that you’re no longer interested in them.
By communicating, you can alleviate the pressure surrounding sex and create a sex life that you both want.
Now that you know communication in your relationship is a key way to have great sex — what’s stopping you?
Leigh Norén is a sex therapist and writer. Her writing on low libido, communication, and intimacy has been featured in YourTango, Babe, The Tab, Glamour, and more. Learn more about Leigh on her website and download free materials about sex and relationships.