8 Ways To Exude Confidence When Meeting Your Ex’s New Girlfriend (So She’s Totally Jealous)

No one knows how to get over an ex girlfriend or boyfriend without some experience — and even then, proving that you're trying to move on can be difficult.

In some cases, you're going to have to meet with an ex and their new partner, or perhaps just run into them while you're out. Getting over someone is already hard enough without having to meet their new partner!

Meeting your ex’s new lover is a no-win situation. It may be fun to hear the latest gossip about someone else’s life or to be there for them when they’re struggling with getting over their breakup.

But, when it’s your ex asking you to meet their new lover, well, that’s an entirely different thing.

Usually, you cringe at the thought of an ex with a new love — it can sting. I myself have experienced literally dropping to the floor and wanting to pass out in the past.

It’s not so much the moment you lay eyes on them; it’s the news, the onslaught of images, and the preparation leading up to the greeting that’s the worst.

Here are 8 tips for how to play it cool and exude confidence when you meet your ex's new girlfriend:

1. Remember that it’s over

It ended for multiple reasons, despite harboring thoughts that they might return to you or at least apologize. They rarely do and if they did apologize, you’d still have to figure out what’s next because it’s done.

Feeling competitive is natural. You’ll want to dress up and look really hot to make the new woman jealous.

At least, I do. I make sure I look good around my ex because it’s important to feel confident when you’re seeing them.

2. Check yourself

No one really knows what to do after a breakup, or how to behave. Be careful. Make sure you're clear on why exactly you’re trying to look good. Is it for them, or for you?

Once I knew my ex had been with another person, I cringed at the thought of being intimate with them again. It’s a visceral thing for me. Imagining their bodies with other bodies turns me off.

So ask yourself: "Why exactly am I looking good here? Who am I impressing or trying to make envious?"

This is important and will help keep you in your lane.

3. Know that competition goes both ways

Getting over an ex isn't easy — especially when you want your ex to know exactly what he's missing out on. Your ex and/or their lover will also be doing their best to make you feel jealous — they’re dressing up and looking hot. (I once had the new lover try to put her engagement ring in my face.)

So be prepared for them to be playing that same game with you which is why you need to know what you’re up against! It will be better in the end if you learn how to move on without these games.

Your ex is watching how you’re responding. They’re picking up on the cues, the looks, and probably even comparing the two of you. It’s a natural thing. However, you have the upper hand here!

4. Observe their tells

When my ex is trying to play it cool, I can see right through his body language and know exactly (probably better than he does himself) how he really feels about her.

When you’re no longer sleeping with them, enmeshed with their hormones and pheromones, you’ll be objective and can remain curious. You’ll see everything!

Maybe, they don't really like what the new lover is up to but they won’t scold them in front of you. They might be embarrassed by their behavior or what they sound like or how smart they are or aren't. They'll try not to show how uncomfortable they really are being with their new lover.

I still laugh at the memory of one ex literally trying to hide behind a teacher’s desk at a school event. He tried to pull his new lover down with him as if I couldn't see his 6’ 4” body and hers wedged between the chalkboard and the drawers!

This is the best part of being an ex! You do not have to play their games anymore. You’re free! It’s also a great way to gauge if you’ve gotten over the breakup and whether you still love them or not.

5. Know your own timeframe of niceness

How long will you be expected to be pleasant or polite? Is this over lunch? A kid exchange (I don’t advise?) Is the new partner being thrown in your face at a basketball game without warning?

Do your best to set up parameters you can handle. No one can stay on good behavior for hours on end. And, at first, hopefully, you’ll not be required to spend an entire family Thanksgiving together washing the dishes.

Remember to leave when you feel your energy shifting. It’s no longer impolite to take care of yourself! Too often, you expect you can handle seeing them with their new love and forget that you’re supposed to be taking of yourself first. This is super important. There’s no win in losing it in front of your ex and their new love.

Get out, get away, if you feel your energy dipping.

6. Bring backup support

At a loss for how to be more confident in these situations? Bring a wingman! It’s bad enough that your ex and their new partner are going to be at a school event or a kid's game while you’re standing there alone.

I have had more than one friend be my date, show up with me to a kid's game, and keep me company. I’ve had other parents block the view and keep me safe during unsafe and difficult moments.

There’s no shame in asking for help. Your heart is only so strong.

Eventually, as you mend and move on, date and prepare for a new relationship, you’re going to want to be afforded the same courtesy. You’re going to want them to treat your new lover with respect, to be polite, and to show up gracious and warm.

7. Stop the negative fantasies

You might be imagining these false scenes where you get to throw all these truth bombs onto the new lover. You imagine shaming your ex in front of their new fling so they'll walk away from that scoundrel forever and ever. You dream up these scenarios where he sheepishly takes a look at you and walks away from her.

And sometimes, you may imagine saving the new lover from years of abuse and manipulation, walking away together, arm-in-arm as best friends forever.

But, the reality isn't like that. These scenes are never going to happen! Most people have more pride and your heart is more fragile than you like to admit. You are not going to punch him, threaten him, coerce him, or ruin him.

I could no more cause a scene at a school event than interrupt my kids’ sports game. I don’t want to be remembered as the crazy ex he had to leave … or whatever other story has been made up about me.

8. Be the bigger person

They’ve fallen in love. That new lover can’t help but see all the shiny beautiful things you once saw in your ex. They’re not tainted by the fights, the waiting by the phone, or the ghosted moments when you feared they lost interest.

These new lovers haven’t yet felt the sting of your ex’s cheating, lying, or manipulation. They have yet to have their hearts hurt by your ex.

So it’s your job to be bigger, wiser and more compassionate. They do not yet know what you know. They’re naively in love and lost in the charms of your ex that no longer control your mind.

They have also only heard one side of the story. Your reputation with them depends on what they know through your ex's eyes.

Your ex justifies the reason why they left you through their own story and lies. And maybe it was you who left your ex and broke up the relationship. Either way, your ex has a one-sided story that the new lover only knows.

So be on your best behavior. Show up your best and most confident self. Do the right thing for the benefit of your kids if you have them and for your heart either way.

This week, I heard from an ex who has had a beautiful family for years. I ended our relationship over 25 years ago and just this week, he admitted to finally healing the loss of his first marriage before we met.

Imagine that…a breakup that was over 30 years ago is finally being healed. It doesn't have to be that way.

Laura Bonarrigo is a certified life coach and a certified divorce coach. Laura is a writer, public speaker and the founder of Doing Divorce School, an online coaching program for those ready to shed the pain of divorce. For empowering and practical ways to lose the identity of your past, visit her website.