Is Online Dating The Only Way To Find Love?

In the technology age, there are many single people relying on dating sites to help them find a mate. I hear them complain about those sites and the process to finding a match.

So I recently asked someone, "What about meeting someone the old fashioned way, like through a friend or by saying hello to them in a coffee shop?" The answer was a resounding, "Oh, no. No one meets that way anymore."

But is that true? When I ask my friends and clients how they met their spouses, their answer usually isn't online.  The majority of people I come across that are with someone they met online don't leave the dating stage. Most date for a couple of years with no aim toward life-long commitment. Will Unfriending Your Ex Help You Move On?

I hear a variety of ways that people meet their spouses. They met in college, in their bicycling group, through friends, at church, in a bar or club, through a relative, at work and the list continues. So why is it that so many people think that the only way to meet someone is online?

One person told me it's because she works from home so she doesn't meet that many people. Another said she works too much in general to meet people. Yet another said she doesn't have any single friends to go out with.

When I suggest joining a club of some sort or even risking saying hello to a stranger, I'm pooh-poohed. "That just doesn't work." And I'm floored. How can we say that never works when so many people meet their partners this way?

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My suspicion has become that it is scary to put yourself out there with a person that is standing right in front of you. It is much easier to have the barrier of the computer to ease the introduction.

If you are rejected or ignored by a computer, it feels less personal. When you risk yourself with someone in person, he can see your discomfort and you can't edit your response.

I worry that dating sites take advantage of our fears. They seem to be selling hope, which is in small supply for many single people.

It can be scary to see yourself getting older or having just come out of a long-term relationship and looking at the new "dating scene." It can seem like a war zone.

So dating sites charge you to take a chance on finding love, something that most of us desperately want. Then the fearful and lonely flock to these sites hoping that love is in their romantic futures. One of the reasons I've been told people use these sites is that there is a much wider pool of potential partners, so there are better odds. How Often You Kiss Reveals How Long Your Relationship Will Last

So why is it that so many people go on date after date and never find someone they connect with? I see the frustration on their faces and hear it in their voices.

They talk about having to "take a break" from dating sites because it gets tiring. These odds don't seem to be working out in the favor of the single searcher.

My theory of finding the right person is one that people tell me is cliché. But cliché's are born from truths. To find  the right person, spend some time figuring out who you are and what you want in life.

Look at the people you have dated in the past and put their traits into two piles: Traits you'd like to see again and ones you'd like to avoid forever. Then go out and really live your life. Do things you enjoy, spend time with friends and family. Be out in the world.

When you meet someone in person, you get to see if there is any immediate attraction. Pheromones get involved and you have a chance to really see what he is about without interpreting the emotional meaning within an email or text message.

These days, we want quick fixes, short cuts and instant gratification. We also want solutions that reduce the time and energy put into a project because we already have so much going on. Dating sites may appear to offer a simple solution and quick fix, while traditional dating may feel like a lot of work with no guarantees, but which one really net the most results? Train Your Pet, Motivate Your Kids

When I look at the information I get from people I discuss love with, traditional dating appears to be in the lead. Both avenues are a lot of work.

Dating sites require time, patience and willingness to view or talk to many different people, while traditional dating requires that same time and patience with more emotional risk.

So you may spend the same amount of time in both and come out with a new partner, but at least with traditional dating, you will have done some personal work that will help you to identify the right person for you. If you do choose to online date, try to push yourself to include some traditional dating.

Have a conversation with an interesting person you’ve just met, introduce yourself to a stranger, and take a risk. Also be aware of the reasons you have chosen online dating.

Are you afraid of being rejected face to face? Or do you work seven days a week, 12 hours a day in a job that does not allow for interaction with others?

Meeting people is frustrating and scary. My hope is that by pushing yourself to take a risk and reach out to another person in a face-to-face scenario, you will be able to find the one you are meant to be with. While you are in the world, take a risk and look up every once in a while. You never know who may be looking up too.