Why You Should Move On From Your Knight In Shining Armor Fantasy

I just don't get this knight in shining armor ladies speak of. What is so desirable about this guy? Women want to be rescued by this knight, just a dude galloping over the hills on his horse wearing full body armor prepared to fight the Russians....or Anthony from New Jersey — whoever gets in his way is fair game. But to be honest, this knight guy seems pretty lame to me.

First off, he's on a horse. This guy doesn't even have a car. Ladies, you think your dad would approve of you dating a guy who can't even afford a 2002 or 2003 Honda Civic? This knight sounds like a loser. No car? He's poor. Riding up on his horse like he's a big deal but the reality is that we don’t even need horses anymore. Get a car, knight, and shine that up a bit.

If you had to ride around on a horse with your knight, where would you go on a date? Probably to the river so the horse can drink some water. He's tired of lugging you around all day. You think the horse wants to hang out at Pizza Hut while you share a medium pizza for $11.99 (Knight had a coupon for equal or lesser value). No, the horse is thirsty. Once again, if your knight had a car, this wouldn't be an issue, but instead he's strutting around town on a horse.

Second off, let's say you are attracted to your knight, his horse, and how he sojourns around town like he's Alexander the Great (he even tells people he's related). Ok, so now you want to make-out and kiss your knight. Do you have three hours to sit around and wait for him to take off all his armor? It's gonna be hard to kiss Robocop while he's wearing a helmet that weighs more than a small child. He'll be like, "Ok, let's totally kiss, just give me a few hours to take off all my armor. Can you hold my sword and help me with these thigh plates?" Hell, by the time he's done you'll be in menopause and not even horny anymore. See, I told ya this knight was a loser.

Also, being in a relationship with a knight would be tough because he's always wearing that armor. You want a quick trip to IKEA? Good luck with that because your knight is going to take five hours putting on his armor. He's convinced the Romans might show up in the Home Furnishings sections ready to "get some". He's been waiting years for them to arrive.

Ladies, just saying, this knight doesn't seem like a good choice. He's riding a horse, wearing armor all day, shiny looking like a prism. I think you can do better. I suggest while your knight is taking off his armor, get on his horse and ride away to find you a police officer in a bullet proof vest. At least that dude will have a car.

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