How To Talk 'To' A Girl

Here's some dating advice that'll blow your mind: Talk to a girl by literally talking to her. You can't talk around her, above her, or underneath her... you have to talk directly to her. Look her in the eyes, be confident, and have purpose and direction in your approach.

Scenario time. Let's pretend you're at an art gallery and see a pretty lady you want to converse with. OK, first let's explore a scenario with the wrong approach. You make your move over to her, "Excuse me, Miss, but umm, I notice you looking at the art… it's nice isn't it? My friend is showcasing his new piece over there. Would you like to go with me? I'm Brian by the way." Truth? You probably lost her with that approach, bro. You said nothing to engage her, and didn't leave an intriguing impression of your character. You said what she has heard a thousand times already. Boring.

Let's dissect. You began with "Excuse me, Miss." What is being excused? Did you pass gas? If so, why did you bring it over to her? Leave it where you were. With that opener you can excuse her phone number because you won't be getting it. And don't open with a question. It makes it appear you don't know what you want. Don't ask, just do. You never see the running back on a football team get the ball and ask the other team, "Hey guys, you mind if I run and try to score a touchdown?" No, he runs as hard as he can for the end-zone. Don't ask what she wants, show her what she wants.

Then you said to her, "I notice you looking at the art…" That’s a great observation, Einstein. You just narrated where her eyes are looking. A five-year-old could do that. Are you going to notice she is breathing as well? "Hey I noticed you breathing over here. You do that often?" Don't say the obvious; it's obviously lame.

"My friend is showcasing his new piece over there. Would you like to go with me?" She doesn't know your friend and doesn't know you. You've made this about you. You haven't made her laugh, haven't been engaging, so I wouldn't be surprised if she made her way to her friends in a few seconds. If you are going to ask her to join you, make it appealing and interesting for her. Speak to her.

You closed the approach with "I'm Brian by the way." At this point, she doesn't care if you are Steve, Billy, or Jason. To her, you're a dime a dozen because you haven't catered to what she needs. Displaying confidence will make you intriguing; being funny and charming will make her comfortable. Find a way to do both and she'll want to know more about you. Do neither and she's learned all she needs to know.

Let's try a different approach. You walk over and say "Ya know, I see you looking at this piece. I was looking at it earlier. Isn't it interesting; the contrast he's able to get in this part of the painting. It's quite nice. It reminds me of my friend who has a similar piece I know you'll like. It's right over here. Let me show you." She will follow. You took charge.

There is no pander, and you didn't put her on the spot to answer a question which would make her uncomfortable. Women want safety, and there is no safety in a barrage of questions. She's at an art gallery, and so are you; appeal to that in both of you. Take control of the situation; make it more fun for her. Don't give her your name. When she wants it she will ask. Until then, show your confidence in your ability to engage her, but don't make it about you.

Instead of asking a lady what she wants, just be it. You have the ability to make the impression of "This guy is boring, and I hope he goes away", or "Where has this guy been all my life?" Which result sounds the best to you? Be a man and take charge for real results. Well, unless, "Excuse me", you want to remain a boy…

For more real talk on dating visit my website at justinkellymcclure.com, also check out my book "Pray Your Kids Are Ugly" which is about online dating and the future of human interactions.

Lastly you can follow me Twitter @justinmcclure and Facebook.

More dating tips from YourTango:

How To Talk 'To' A Girl

Scared of rejection? Time to man up.

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