Matchmaker Reveals The Harsh Truth About Dating A Younger Man
Sometimes love looks like a really cute, younger guy.
Rido | Canva As women age, it's natural and increasingly "normal" for us to find interest in dating men who are, both, our contemporaries and younger than ourselves. Why? Because women outlive men by an average of seven years, not to mention, we stay healthy and vital longer than they do (as a general rule). Take a look at any nursing home or senior singles gathering and the reality is evident — men often fall apart and just plain die off quicker than we do.
Yet we have this disconnect, as in our American culture, men grow up with the notion that it's perfectly fine and even customary to date younger women; however, the same standard doesn't apply to women. This model makes all kinds of sense for those who are dating in their 20s, 30s, and 40s — the folks who are looking for life-long love, including kiddos. However, our modern-day single population is aging more so, with every year that passes.
Energetically, as we age in today's modern culture, it often feels more natural and appropriate for us to mingle with younger people, as older men tend to appear "too old" in body, mind, and spirit. There are exceptions — just as YOU may, perchance, be the exception — someone who looks, acts, and feels like a younger person. There are men out there who are "phenoms" too. So if you don't enjoy being put into a box, based on your age, you mustn't make the same mistake of putting a man in a box based on those very credentials.
Lead by example, by considering the person as a dating prospect, not his age. If you want men to stop judging you based on that criteria, then practice doing the same when considering men out there in the world.
In other words, don't be a hypocritical ageist. Here's a healthy way to approach the age issue, as a grown woman (45+, who's not interested in having children) ... However many years younger you'd like to date, you'd be wise to consider dating that same number of years older — this is what I call reasonable or manageable search parameters. If you do want to date younger men, and you want a shot at attracting these younger men (who nearly always think they are, inherently, supposed to date younger), then you would be wise to act the part and look the part.
Pexels / Gabriel Bastelli
As a personal matchmaker, I've seen over 1,170 marriages, and thousands of happy couples find love. I'd say at least half of these relationships came as a surprise to one, the other, or both (and even myself.) Lots and lots of women are pairing up with younger men. Who are these women? It's clear to me that they're women who are youthful in spirit, energy, and attitude. They're positive, happy, vibrant people who are magnetic and upbeat. They're slender, fit and active. They're stylish and well-groomed.
Interestingly, as I look over my list of happy couples — rarely do I see a grey-haired woman partnering with a younger man. On the contrary, the older a man gets, the more he faces his mortality, and men tell me that they don't want to look across the table at someone who reminds him of his mom, grandmother, or even his ex-wife.
There's nothing fair about dating; the numbers are not in our favor. Over the age of 65, there are three times as many single women, as there are single men in America. If you do want to date and partner with a younger man, it's a very real possibility. However, you must know that it's highly competitive. Especially, if you want a man who's, both, attractive and in a strong position financially. This type of guy thinks he's entitled to date younger, pretty much every time.
Want to maximize your chances? Don't pre-judge based on his age — look for men who share some of your natural passions and see how it feels being together. Select men who are appealing to you, ideally not just those guys who capture everyone's attention.
Keep in mind, that the best-looking guy and the wealthiest guy in the room — is typically not the best catch, as wealth and beauty often breed narcissism. Be the type of person that your "target" will naturally attract: positive, vibrant, happy, openhearted, loving, receptive, appreciative, affectionate, and giving.
And be proactive — place yourself strategically where you can, easily, be found, and don't wait for invitations. Be playful, spontaneous, adventurous, and willing to go the extra mile to meet and get to know the men who appeal to you. Practice flirting, engaging, and offering up invitations, as the younger man might never have considered dating outside his normal comfort zone. A guy, typically, desires a woman who makes him feel good, who's fun to spend time with, and makes him feel appreciated, valued, and truly celebrated. Practice being that girl and you've got a fine shot at being with this kind of man.
Julie Ferman is a personal matchmaker, consultant, dating coach, media personality, professional speaker, producer of dating industry conferences and events, and blogger. She's been a guest on countless television shows including Good Morning America, The Today Show, Dr. Phil, and Fox News.