Psychologist Reveals 6 Major Social Media Rules To Follow After A Messy Breakup

Who can resist the urge to look at their ex's Facebook page after a breakup? It calls your name and whispers, "Check me out!" No harm, right?

An astute researcher in England begs to differ. One study concluded that the more time you spend on your ex's Facebook page, the more psychological distress you experience, the greater your desire for your ex, and the more difficulty you have moving on and learning how to deal with a breakup.

You shouldn't be surprised. That's because most of us realize that the toxic connections we have with our exes are stoked by talking about, thinking about, and looking at stuff about them. While lurking on their Facebook page may not morph itself into stalking, it's just not healthy.

Here are 6 major social media rules to follow after a bad breakup:

1. Don't stalk your ex online

Don't look at his Facebook page and don't look at his Twitter feed, either. I strongly suggest de-friending your ex and un-following him. Otherwise, you'll wind up seeing posts you shouldn't see. While you're at it, de-friend your ex-in-laws and ex-friends as well.

@ellie_tend Stop stalking your ex on social media and start investing in yourself. It is natural to feel curious about what they’re up to, but obsessively scrolling through their profiles is only hurting you. 🫶🏼🫶🏼 Comment if you are guilty of social media stalking your ex. #selflove #letgo #movingforward #heartbreak #heartbroken ♬ original sound - ellie_tend

2. Don't post things about your ex online

Posting about your ex online is just asking for trouble. If you want to have a private conversation about your ex with a friend, that's great. Just don't use a social media platform for it. Your goal should be to decrease the time you spend ex-watching and ex-bashing.

3. Don't "friend" your ex's new girlfriend

This may seem self-evident, but you'd be surprised by how many people fall into this trap.

4. Do consider deactivating your Facebook account

Remove yourself from Facebook and similar sites entirely if you know staying away from your ex is going to be tough for you. Do you need to know where the high school friends you haven't seen in a million years got drunk last Saturday night?

5. Do use social media to advertise your singledom and meet new people

I'm a big advocate of online dating post-divorce. If you feel like advertising your single status online is somehow unfair or disrespectful to your ex, get over it. You're completely entitled to move on, regardless of the circumstances of the demise of your relationship.

@chelayne_ Replying to @lonz_bee #onlinedating #datingapps #dating ♬ original sound - Cheryl

6. Do ignore posts you think are about you

Your ex, their friends, and family may post things about some unnamed party you believe to be you. It may or may not be you. Even if you're 100 percent sure it's you, don't bother responding. You'll feel better taking the high road. Forgiveness is a virtue; practicing it makes us happy.

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You know that if you want to feel better and move on with your life, keeping surveillance of your ex isn't the way to go. Besides, de-friending is empowering.

Judith Tutin, Ph.D., ACC, is a licensed psychologist and certified life coach. She shares more work in her book, The Post-Divorce Survival Guide.