Poof, Gone! How To Keep Your Cool When A Dude Just Disappears

If you ask me, nothing is harder on the heart or the ego than the disappearing act in the midst of dating. One minute you are smitten over Mr. Constant Contact and the next … nothing. No explanation and no closure. He stopped texting, stopped calling and you are left to fill in the blanks.

Has your latest leading man disappeared without a trace? If so, here's what you should do:

1. Resist temptation. Once it is confirmed that Mr. Vanishing is alive and well, resist your urge to seek information from his friends, his family or the source himself.

I was dating Mr. Too-Good-To-Be-True for a solid month and I believed we were taking our happy romance to the next level. Then one day his daily "Good morning" text was missing from my inbox and I spent the rest of the day staring at my phone, distracted in sincere worry that something was amiss.

Mr. Too-Good-To-Be-True ignored my check-in call and before I could fabricate horrendous stories of his whereabouts, I noticed he was cheerfully posting on Facebook and obviously alive and well. Weeks went by and I could not shake my anger and self-doubt. Perhaps I did or said something wrong to encourage his behavior.

I mustered up an email begging for closure and some sort of validation that our connection was not a mere fabrication in my naïve mind. Again, no response. I never got closure from him, and by sending that email I gave someone who didn't deserve it another chance to let me down. If he was too cowardly to communicate our ending in the first place, no declaration of hurt or resentment will suddenly change his mind or his manners.

2. Don't take it personally, Your first reaction will most likely be to ask what you did wrong. But most grown men will communicate an ending with you. The ones who don't are most likely not ready for a genuine commitment.

My most recent romantic prospect, Mr. Long Distance and I had been emailing and texting for weeks when one day he abruptly stopped. A week went by and Mr. Long Distance popped up again, claiming a hectic week at work prohibited him from reaching out to me. Now a seasoned veteran of the disappearing game, I was not buying it. I challenged his excuses and eventually he admitted a serious life issue that I was not privy to and we respectfully parted ways. I learned that while we were no longer a match, his recent vanishing act had little to do with me. 

Breakups are hard but when one person seemingly holds all the power, it is even more difficult. Feeling rejected by another's avoidance is inevitable but it is important to remember that a grown man should know better than to partake in the silent treatment. Treating another person with a complete lack of respect signifies a major character flaw and that may have to be the greatest form of closure that you need.