Why Words Are Never Enough When You Want Your Relationship To Last
Love gets taken for granted. We neglect each unintentionally. Where's your proof of love?
getty Too often, we preoccupy ourselves with things that seem important and let our relationships slide.
We put our marriages on auto-pilot, thinking that the deep connecting love that brought us together initially, will magically last all by itself.
Unfortunately, nothing works that way.
Neglect anything in your life, even unintentionally, and it will start to decay. That very same thing happens with love when you don't show someone you love them.
How do I know my wife loves me? Just because she says so? Is that enough? What evidence in my life points to her loving me? And what keeps me in this relationship with her if she isn’t offering me substantial proof of her love for me?
These are real questions.
I want you to think about them for your relationship. What proof? What evidence do you give your partner every single day that you truly love them?
How do they know that your love still exists for them in the same way that it did early on in the relationship?
If you’re not constantly offering something tangible and solid, if you don't show someone you love them, they won’t feel it because:
- The words "I love you" become superficial.
- A ritualistic hug and kiss here or there is not the same as affection.
- Obligatory sex is not passion.
- Talking about the kids doesn’t create feelings of intimate connection.
- Watching TV or being on your phones together does not help communication.
Where’s your deep caring? How do you specifically demonstrate that you value your partner? What are you doing that makes them feel deeply cared for?
Is that enough for them? And are they doing enough for you? Do they fully and completely trust you? Do you trust them fully?
You realize that trust can easily be broken. People do things and say things that erode trust.
I recently worked with a couple married 31 years to help repair the damage of a 7-year sexting affair. As you might imagine, the partner who discovered the secretive sexting was questioning everything about their 30 years of shared life together.
When trust leaves the relationship it’s impossible to be happy. Pain had replaced trust in this marriage.
Now…Do you love yourself enough to tell yourself the truth about your marriage? This is where it gets interesting:
- What are you putting up with?
- What standard have you settled for love?
- What stories, soft lies, and rationalizations are you living?
- Where are you pretending it’s OK when it’s not?
- How have your feelings changed for your partner?
Do you love your partner enough to want to improve your marriage? Sometimes the disconnect between people can seem so severe that it feels overwhelming or even impossible to fix.
The big mistake is to not try and to simply give up by doing nothing.
Does your partner love you enough to be a willing to participant in the repair of your relationship?
If not, that would be important to know. If so, what are you waiting for?
Tell them you are committed to improving your marriage and ask if they would be willing to help you. In the words of Dr. Seuss, "Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot. Nothing is going to get better. It’s not."
Jeff Forte is the author of The 90-Minute Marriage Miracle and founder of PEAK Results Coaching, an Executive and Peak Performance Coach specializing in Marriage Resolution and Team Dynamics. Contact him for direct answers to your situation.