6 Simple Things Husbands Can Do To Earn Respect From Their Wives, According To Research
Being a good partner isn't rocket science.
Photodjo | Canva Respect is essential in any relationship, however many men struggle to earn the respect they feel they deserve. As a psychotherapist, one of the chief complaints I hear from men is that their significant other doesn't treat them with respect — or worse, makes them feel emasculated — and they feel defeated by this.
If you feel disrespected as a man, it can be tempting to demand respect by raising your voice, trying to control your partner's every move, or even retreating and shutting down. But, these actions won't result in lasting respect from your partner. But there are other ways to earn the respect of your partner in a relationship — often it takes some self-reflection and making changes to become a better partner and a good man.
Here are 6 simple things husbands can do to earn respect from their wives, according to research:
1. Give her attention and respect
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Attention is the oxygen of a relationship. If you find yourself in an argument with your significant other and she is saddened or angry about something you said or did, validate her feelings to help her feel understood.
Say something like: "It makes sense to me that you feel hurt and disappointed about me canceling our date for Saturday night." This is easier said than done, but validation is key to helping your partner feel understood and respected, and is a healthy part of a relationship, according to studies from the National Library of Medicine. You may not agree with your wife or girlfriend, but you can validate her feelings.
2. Celebrate and defend her
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Never cut down the woman you love, publicly or privately. Women feel respected and loved when their partners defend them, especially in front of others. Women, studies show, need to feel secure in a relationship in order to feel loved.
Show her that you are proud of her by telling others about her accomplishments, what she does well, and, most importantly, who she is as a person. Build her up by encouraging her and communicating to her and to others what you enjoy and celebrate in her.
3. Communicate honestly
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Use an "I" statement to express how you feel. Yes, you need to come to terms with the "f" word ("feel")! This means that if she says or does something to make you angry or hurt you, state how her words or actions impact your feelings.
Why is honest communication so important? Research consistently shows that honest communication in a relationship fosters trust, allows for effective problem-solving, and strengthens intimacy.
For example, you can say, "I feel disrespected and hurt when you raise your voice and call me names." Don’t be afraid to talk about what is true and real.
Also, state your opinions openly and honestly. Don’t agree with her just to agree. Women respect a man who has opinions about whatever the topic might be from current events to favorite toppings on his pizza. People who don't have their own opinions often end up in unhealthy relationships.
4. Be reliable
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Be reliable by being punctual, which shows her that you respect her time. Women respect a man who is where he says he is going to be and on time. If you are habitually late, you don’t respect her or her time.
Also, to show her that you respect her, respond promptly to her calls and text messages. If you can’t talk when she calls, let her know when you are available to chat, and don’t leave her hanging for long periods of time.
5. Be decisive
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Women respect men who make firm decisions and stick to them. For example, be decisive about where you are going and what you are doing on dates.
Many women dislike when a man asks her what she wants to do on a Friday night. Do a little research, come up with a clear and fun plan, and follow through on it. Planning, and going on, date nights have been linked to better intimacy and happier relationships.
One of my former roommates came home from a first date and she was ecstatic to tell me all about it. She explained that the guy had planned this simple but creative date and she was blown away by his thought to detail and confidence.
6. Don’t be controlling
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A controlling man can be a huge turn-off for women. It’s okay to state your preferences, but if you try to control what she does, where she goes, and what she wears, you will push her away, and she will not respect you for it.
I once dated a guy who tried to tell me how to wear my hair and we would get into arguments over it regularly. Quite shockingly (insert sarcasm), the relationship didn't last.
Emotions communicate what matters, who you are, and what you need. If you feel that you continuously respect and love your woman well and she still disrespects and emasculates you, it might be time to seek help from a professional — one who can help both of you establish clear boundaries and better communicate with one another.
Janie Lacy is a licensed mental health counselor and owner of Life Counseling Solutions (LCS), which specializes in helping men and women to achieve happier, healthier relationships.