How To Outsmart Your Penis — And Have Great Sex Again!
After all, it really does happen to all guys.
getty Every man loves his penis like it’s his baby — and so he should! It’s a mini version of himself that literally embodies his manhood. Your penis carries your strength and virility, i.e., your masculinity.
But what about those moments when you have to have great sex, but your penis fails to rise to the occasion and you find yourself unable to sustain an erection?
The resulting confusion and distress can be overwhelming and shattering to a man's sexual confidence.
It’s perfectly normal for men to experience a degree of impotency at times. Stress can be a major factor, and the problem often spirals downward from there. Finding yourself impotent adds even more stress, surrounding your love-making with an unpleasant energy.
What causes erectile dysfunction (aka ED)?
There are two main reasons men experience erectile issues, which boil down to psychological and physical factors.
The most common psychological reason for ED is stress.
As explained by Healthline, "Mental health conditions like stress and anxiety can also affect how your brain signals your body’s physical response. In the case of an erection, stress and anxiety can interrupt how your brain sends messages to the penis to allow extra blood flow.
"Stress and anxiety about ED can also contribute to a cycle of ongoing ED. Experiencing ED can lead to behavioral changes that contribute to anxiety and incidences of ED."
There are some who believe that around 30% of erectile dysfunction relates to over consumption of porn.
Physical reasons for erectile dysfunction are less likely to affect men before their 40’s or even 50’s, but there are some exceptions.
Smoking, especially cannabis, drug or alcohol use, poor diet and lack of exercise are all factors that can have a negative effect on blood flow and cause ED in younger men.
Your abdomen and pelvis are full of vessels that supply blood to the penis. When you get aroused, this blood rushes in, causing your erection.
Substance use and diets full of processed foods clog these blood vessels and slow down that vital flow, whereas exercise and fresh vegetables help you keep it flowing.
Physical exhaustion is another factor affecting blood flow. So while exercise is good, exercising to the point of over-exertion is not. If you do exercising a lot, it’s important to have a good diet full of fresh and natural whole foods to nourish your body. Vitamins are no substitute.
These physical factors affect more as they age, but at any stage of life, addressing the psychological factors and causes of erectile dysfunction is fundamental.
If you're having difficulty performing as you once did or as you would hope to, here's how to cure erectile dysfunction as naturally and permanently as possible so you can have great sex again.
1. Massage yourself
Like most people, you probably masturbate on a fairly frequent basis, which is essentially a form of massage. But often this is done in a way that is harmful to the blood vessels, due to the roughness of quick up and down movement.
While most men enough roughly pulling on their penis to release ejaculation, doing this frequently can be tough on such a tender part of your body.
Here's how you can try a completely different self-pleasuring experience which takes into account your current and future sexual health:
Set aside time for your self-pleasure routine and give it the respect it deserves.
Start by massaging your lower abdomen, groin, pubic bone, and upper legs, using oil to help keep your movements smooth. Massaging in this way will keep the blood vessels open by shifting any little blockages that could turn into something big later on.
Around the joints at the top of the leg, you might find lumps. These are blocked lymph nodes, and massaging can help unblock them.
These are ancient Chinese self-massage techniques that are really useful for keeping that mojo alive. Think about the sexual energy you want to bring, allow it to flow into you and stay there.
Massage in slow and long strokes from the base to the head, going only in one direction. Go slowly and tune into the sensations, savoring, and enjoying them.
Next, start squeezing your penis, close to the base, slowly squeezing and releasing. This can be done up to 100 times or more.
Then, massage your testicles slowly but firmly to release any stuck hormones. Massage in slow circles in both directions on and above the pubic bone.
What you do after that is up to you, but try to go slow, tune into the energy and enjoy every sensation, literally feeling the increased energy and blood flow into your penis. Gentle focus and nice thoughts (as opposed to a rush to release tension) help, too.
Remember that self-pleasuring can be done for its own sake; it doesn't have to be done just for the end goal of ejaculation.
Practice self-pleasuring without ejaculating, also known as edging, is really healthy, and the more often you ejaculate the less you have energy in your penis to make that gorgeous hard-on.
For a young man, twice a week is OK, but as you get older, you may want to reduce the frequency to save that vital energy and keep your erections strong and healthy into old age.
2. Focus less on porn and more on connecting with your lover
There is an ancient tantric secret about the power of connection and what it can do to sexual experiences.
Tantric sex is when two people have sex in a way that is beyond the physical. They connect deeply using meditation techniques to channel energy, creating a multifaceted experience that is totally mind-blowing.
When you look in another person's eyes, you connect on a deep level. The more you do, the more you connect.
You can also connect with your heart. This is an important part of getting an erection, because the heart needs to be relaxed and open to supply the blood to the penis. This can be difficult and scary. The same goes for when you talk and you intimately share all your thoughts, fears, and dreams.
The connection you create reduces stress as you start feeling safe with your lover.
3. Simply relax
You can make an effort, push to get an erection, and do your best, but sometimes, you just need to lie back and let it happen. If one day it doesn't, so what? Maybe you needed to rest or it wasn’t the right time.
Sometimes, just giving up for the night allows your penis to breathe a sigh of relief and relax, and then it "magically" works later. It happens.
And whatever you do, avoid Viagra.
It damages your ability to get an erection in the future, and it’s bad for your heart.
Jade Lotus is a tantra educator and teaches Taoist Sexual Alchemy, who specializes in erectile dysfunction (ED) issues and premature ejaculation.