Will He Come Back? 5 Reasons Men (Almost) Always Do
If you're missing your ex-boyfriend after breaking up, rest assured that there's a good chance he'll be back. But do you really want to try again?
Koldunov / Shutterstock When the man you were dating and fell in love with breaks up with you, it's common to miss him. You probably ask yourself, as well as your friends and anyone who will listen, "Will he come back?"
Even when you've gone "no contact," — meaning you cut off all contact and communication, whether it’s by blocking him on social media, refraining from talking to anyone close to him, not letting yourself call or text him, or even think about him — you may still spend a decent amount of time reading tips from relationship experts, and strategizing how to get him back and make him miss you.
Will he come back?
If you're wondering, "Will he come back?" — the answer is yes, they always do.
Ex-boyfriends seem to have a knack for making a reappearance after breaking up with you — especially just when you're finally feeling like you're getting over the whole thing and are ready to move on with your life.
As if breaking your heart once wasn't enough, these men will come back into your life, woo you like they've never done before, only to have things end... again.
Even after what seems like a decisive breakup, there are a few signs that may indicate he’s not fully over you and will try to rekindle your romance.
5 Reasons Men (Almost) Always Come Back
1. He's not sure he made the right decision.
Many of us don't have a clear understanding of what a healthy relationship looks like. We learn from our role models early on in life, and if our role models were parents who fought constantly or left at the sign of conflict, we're likely to do the same in our own relationships as adults.
If a guy is used to the idea of running away from conflict, it may explain why he leaves every time the going gets tough. And the same goes for a guy who is always picking fights.
He may have grown up with unrealistic or unhealthy expectations of relationships, so now alarm bells go off because his idea of a perfect relationship is one in which the couple never argues.
For many men who grew up thinking this way, it often feels easier to just leave. But when the dust settles and he starts missing you, he questions whether he made the right decision. This confusion is what prompts him to creep back into your life.
If that's the case, it's unlikely that he's trying to hurt you, and more so that he’s truly confused about what to do.
2. There is no one else he's interested in.
The grass is always greener on the other side... until you cross the other side and realize it was just an optical illusion.
Some men fear the loss of freedom when it comes to coupling, and they may take off when things get a little too intimate. Then, once he has all the freedom to date whomever he chooses again, he may find that the other options just don't compare to you.
And that's when he might get back in touch with you, because he realizes what he had with you really was too good a thing to ever let go.
3. He's testing your limits.
He may not be doing this on purpose, but if your ex is breaking up with you and coming back, it's likely he's testing your boundaries to see what kind of behavior you'll tolerate.
For example, I know a woman whose boyfriend would break up with her right before going to big festivals or on lengthy trips, and then ask to get back together again as soon as he returned.
The guy isn't completely to blame in this scenario. You teach people how you want to be treated. If you take an ex back after he's repeatedly broken your heart, you're letting him know you will accept his bad behavior.
4. He feels guilty and wants to be reassured.
Most people don't mean to break your heart. That is why they often end up feeling bad or guilty, and try to be your friend or stay in touch — they want to make sure you're fine.
They don't necessarily realize that doing this is actually the worst thing they can do, because it means they're inadvertently leaving you hoping the two of you might get back together. Or, worse, making you relive the pain you’re trying so hard to put behind you.
5. He regrets breaking up with you.
Everyone makes mistakes. A guy who breaks your heart but comes back may be regretting his decision to end things. In fact, one study found that 43 percent of men regret breaking up with their partner.
It could be that the guy made a simple error in judgment. It happens.
7 Signs He’ll Come Back
1. He admits he messed up by leaving you.
Whether it’s by his social media posts, word of mouth, or him telling you, if your ex-boyfriend admits that he made a mistake letting you go, it’s a pretty good sign he will eventually come back into your life.
He most likely realizes that he acted hastily or out of anger, and wants to right his wrongs by getting another chance. Maybe he was even fed up and frustrated if you had a long-distance relationship.
Whatever the reason, he wants you to know he didn’t mean it.
2. He still tries to talk to you.
If you’ve blocked him on social media or on your phone, you’ll be unable to reach out to him; however, that won’t stop him from trying to get in touch with you.
He may ask your friends or even his friends to talk to you, if only for a moment, so he can just explain himself. Or, even if he doesn’t talk about the breakup, he’ll still want to know what you’re doing and the details of your everyday life.
3. He hasn’t dated anyone else after you.
Maybe he thought he couldn’t grow without you. Maybe he wanted to be with other people. Or, maybe he didn’t know what he wanted and let you go too soon. No matter the reason, it’s clear he hasn’t moved on if he’s refused to sign up on dating apps or meet new people, or doesn’t think anyone else will compare to you.
Dating other people and experimenting in his love life can be a distraction, but for him, there is nobody else he wants to be with.
4. Or, he’s rebounded with many women.
On the flip side, another sign he’ll come back is if he’s really put himself out there, taken advantage of the single life, and has gone on dates or been intimate with other people.
But this is simply a way to distract himself. He doesn’t actually have feelings for these women, nor does he have any interest in getting to know them.
The fact that he’s going out with so many women is just an indicator that he’s still hung up on you and wants to find a way to suppress his strong emotions.
5. He wants to stay friends.
He doesn’t want to be just friends, though; this is a way for him to keep you in his life, even if it’s not romantic.
Of course, he may realize that you aren’t interested in continuing a romantic relationship, thinks being your friend will allow you to become close, and he can eventually win you over. Simply put, he doesn’t want to let you go!
6. He stalks you on social media.
He likes your posts, comments on them, and always seems to pop up in your notifications.
If you haven’t practiced the “no contact” rule and have continued to be friends with him on social media, if he's making his presence known, it’s for a reason. He wants you to know that he’s interested in where you are and what you’re doing, and if there is a chance of reconciliation.
7. He wants you to know he’s truly changed.
If he broke up with you because he needed to “find himself” or because your relationship was just toxic, he may reach out to let you know that he’s not the same person he was when you were dating.
Now, this may just be a way to get your attention. So, remember that actions speak louder than words, and it will take more than just promises to get you back.
There are many reasons ex-boyfriends get back in touch after a breakup. Understanding some of the most common among them can help you decide what to do when (not if) he suddenly reappears and you want to know if he really loves you and you should get back together — or not.
When you're dating, there's no doubt some men might break your heart. What matters is how you deal with it. The answers to these frequently asked questions can help you decide if you should give this relationship another chance.
Why do I have a feeling he will come back?
First things first: never doubt your intuition; always trust your gut. If you ended on not-so-bad terms, amicably, or had a strong connection before your breakup, it’s normal to have an inclination to believe he will want to be together again.
Go with your instincts, and don’t try to silence that inner voice telling you what you don’t want to hear.
If I dumped him, will he come back?
Sometimes, relationships end with women breaking things off, and not the other way around. It’s a good idea to remember that you aren’t necessarily the one to blame; perhaps you both could have done something different in your relationship, or maybe you were in a situation where you weren’t growing and changing.
No matter the reason, if you broke up with him and are still on good terms, it’s likely you’ll find your way back to him.
Will he come back to me if I let him go?
If he didn’t want to be in a relationship with you, the best thing you can do for yourself is to let him be. If he broke up with you for personal reasons, give him time to solve his own issues, grow into a better person, and realize that you don’t want a partner who isn’t ready for commitment.
If you let him go and you sense a chance of reconciliation, he will come back.
How long should I wait for him to come back?
Though there is no set time frame for waiting for your ex-boyfriend, it all depends on the circumstances. If there were deep, fundamental differences between the two of you, that isn’t something you can change overnight; however, if you broke up for other reasons such as cheating, you should wait as long as it takes for you to heal.
It’s up to you to decide, because at the end of the day, you are in charge of your own happiness, and being in an unhealthy relationship won’t get you anywhere.
What makes a man come back?
Much like those signs he will want to get back together, there are plenty of reasons he may feel like you two belong with one another. It could be regret at ending your relationship to begin with, realizing that you were more compatible than he thought, or he truly values you as a person, romantic or not.
The bottom line is that he still has strong feelings for you, and rather than trying to move on with his life, he just can’t imagine a world without you in it.
Iona Yeung is a dating and relationship coach for single women who need a little guidance to attract the love they deeply crave.