3 Sweet Ways To Make A Guy Feel Emotionally Safe With You
Be his safe place to land.
Getty When it comes to dating and relationships, most women want to fall in love with a man who makes them feel "safe."
It’s not that we’re damsels in distress, it’s more that we want to feel cared for, physically and emotionally. We don’t need "rescuing" per se. But it would be nice to know the option is there and that the man we love — our boyfriend, our husband or our life partner — is willing to do what's required of him should the need for him to protect us arise.
According to the hierarchy outlined in Maslow's "Theory of Human Motivation," safety is the second most fundamental of the six basic human needs.
And yet, while we often do think of security as something women want and expect in romantic relationships with men, we too often forget the flip side of that same coin.
If a woman wants to know how to make a guy fall in love, she needs to start by making sure he feels emotionally safe with her as well.
Men want and need to feel safe with the women they love as well, and they simply will not commit to women they don’t feel safe with — nor should they.
It’s not that they’re looking for someone to rescue them, it’s more about how a woman makes them feel. It’s about emotional safety.
Making a guy feel emotionally safe falling in love with you basically comes down to three simple little things, yet many women are unaware of what they are.
Here are 3 things you must do to make a man feel emotionally safe with you.
1. Show him trust and respect
The quickest way to create emotional safety in any relationship is to show that you trust your partner and respect their needs.
Trust and respect must always go both ways. If he has a few close girlfriends he likes to talk to and hang out with, let him know you trust him and his judgment, while also showing that you can be trusted with your guy friends.
Far too many men and women use jealousy to manipulate their partners, either flirt with other people to get attention or wielding suspicions to start fights they will allow to end if their partner offer them enough validation, and neither is acceptable behavior.
2. Make sure he feels heard
Allowing each other to feel heard is critical in relationships.
Active listening can be hard when you’re distracted by other thoughts, anxiously waiting to butt into the conversation with your own thoughts, or overly excited about your turn to speak. These kinds of interruptions don't come from ill intentions, they come from passion, but when you allow your passion to outweigh the other person's need to feel heard, they begin feeling as though you don’t value them in your relationship.
If your partner is telling you how miserable his day was at work, or how much it bothers him when you don’t do your share of the housework, listen to what he has to say. All of it. Instead of trying to think of a advice or a comeback, learn to switch your opinions off and focus on all aspects of what he's saying.
3. Love him for who he is, not for his potential
Women often date a man for his potential rather than for who he is right now.
You've probably heard at least one of your friends, or perhaps even yourself, make statements like these:
- “He isn’t very ambitious right now, but he’s got such a sweet side. In a few years, he’ll make a great dad."
- “He’s a bit of a player, but I know he’ll make a great husband one day.”
- “He doesn’t have that much going for him now, but I'm helping him see how much better he can be one day.”
That needs to stop. Don’t date someone for who they may or may not be or what they may or may not do ... one day.
Everyone wants and deserves to be loved for who they are, and all you'll end up with is disappointment and resentment.
Iona Yeung is a dating and relationship coach who works with single women to identify their roadblocks in dating, attract the good guys, and communicate from a space of love and clarity.