Dating The Insecure Woman & The Secure Woman? Part 2

continued from part 1

Excessive calls to his place of employment

What are you trying to do? Get him fired? Now your man cannot pay his phone bill or even his rent, because you assisted in getting him fired. Now he must move in with you because you overextended yourself with phone calls to his job. Everyone at work knows your name: “Your wife is on the phone again!” If you’re guilty of this behavior, you have intense insecurities and may need to seek professional guidance. We’re just kidding, but at this point you are being unreasonable.

He has to pay his bills, unless you want to pay them. When your insecurities threaten a man’s employment, living arrangements, children, food and/or transportation, you have crossed the proverbial line in the sand. Example: you slashed his tires and busted out his windows. You have then gone too far. You are intruding on his personal space and if he starts to distance himself from you at this point, don’t be surprised.

Lying about your condition to get what you want out of him–You’re pregnant, you’re sick, etc.

Anytime you have to make up a story to gain his attention, you have overstepped your boundaries and have defeated your purpose of getting closer. It may temporarily work until he discovers the truth.

Do not turn into a psycho chick. No man wants a woman who is crazy and does not know when enough is enough. Give a man time and space to unwind.

A man can be seen as the equivalent of an old wind-up clock. When he is upset, give him time to unwind. Do not keep winding the clock until you bust the strings. You let it charge and discharge so the energy can balance itself out. The insecure woman often pushes her man beyond his limits because she fails to see how her behavior is affecting him. She only sees herself and her own desires. Unfortunately, her behavior leads to undesired results. It pushes her man further away, often into the arms of another eagerly-waiting woman. You know what they say: one woman’s trash is another woman’s treasure.

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Popping up at the Man of Your Dreams (MOYD’s) home unsuspected.

You are allowed one or two unexpected pop-ins per year. Three, four or five, and you are pushing it. At this point, whatever you find is what you deserve. You may eventually find another woman there. Do not be surprised. After all, it is what you have been looking for all along. You helped create the scenario that has now unfolded. This is because you have totally focused your energy on the negative, instead of the positive that brought you together with the MOYD in the first place. The insecure woman spends all of her time and energy fighting unnecessary battles instead of just realizing that there was something special about you that he loved. This is what the insecure woman needs to focus on and build on.

Say to yourself that he likes you because you are smart, beautiful, sexy, talented, creative, thrifty or whatever characteristic it may be. As you improve and he finds more beautiful things about you, then build upon those. This is what a secure woman does. She builds upon the things she has. She knows she is a great woman. She worked at it. She did not rely on her heels, makeup, etc., but used them as accessories. The key word is “accessory.” The American Heritage Dictionary defines it as, “1a. A supplementary item.”

True attraction comes from within. This is why we call purses, earrings, etc., “accessories.” Like an accessory to a crime, they helped make it happen but were not the mastermind. You are the mastermind. As a baby, you were born naked, and you, naked in your morning glory, is all a man will ever need.

The secure woman knows it comes from within her and everything else complements her preexisting inner beauty.

Cracking Facebook codes.

Oh my goodness. If you are cracking Facebook passwords, e-mail codes or voice mail, you have way too much time on your hands. You need to get a job, preferably working as a hacker. You have skills but are using them in a negative way, and all to accomplish what?

So now you found out that he really does not want you. What is the point? What did you gain? Without knowing it, your negative energy creates an aura around you that says you are not confident in yourself. If you are confident and secure, you already know that he can talk to 10 different women and he will still not find you wanting, so good luck to them. You know what the competition is doing. You know what you offer the MOYD and that the deal is a sweet one to the man who can appreciate it. When you are good at what you do, you are not worried about competition. You are your own competition. When Michael Jordan sees his arch-rival Magic Johnson, he doesn’t get mad at Magic. He respects him because he works equally as hard as he does. So if you are insecure, it is because you have not done the work, but you want the reward. You want that A on the test, but you didn’t study. Do not get mad at the girl who got the A–understand how she did it. Insecurities create hateful and fearful energy instead of love. Where there is fear, there is very little progress in a relationship.

How does a secure woman behave?

She is confident in who she is. She is not hiding behind makeup but uses it as a tool

She knows that the MOYD chose her, loves her and wants what’s best for her.

She understands her man’s weaknesses and helps him to overcome them to become a better man (Women Have the Power to Help Men Become Better).

She does not have 89 interrogating questions but replaces them with 89 compliments and/or reassurances (The Five Magic Words the Man You’re Dating Secretly Wants to Hear). She is confident in what the MOYD is saying and allows him to lead.

She has a mature understanding that no relationship will be perfect. She is willing to work through its challenges and trials. She has perseverance and patience.

A secure woman is not afraid to take criticism. She knows that the MOYD loves and wants the best for her and that any critique is for her betterment.

A secure woman knows that positive thinking and positive thoughts go a million miles further in the success of a relationship than negative thinking.

Relationship Coach Daniel T.

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