5 Common Relationship Issues People Find Way Too Embarrassing To Discuss
Maybe it's time for a game of truth or dare.
Pavel Danilyuk | Pexels Embarrassment is a primary feeling that bonds humans. Only when they’re willing to show it, of course. No one makes it through life without feeling awkward and self-conscious, yet we do our best to hide our humiliation from others because we want to fit in and fear we won't be accepted. Especially in a romantic dyad such as a boyfriend and girlfriend or husband and wife, we want the person we've fallen in love with to approve of us.
Relationship problems surface when we become preoccupied with presenting an idealized image of ourselves, so we spend more energy trying to maintain a fantasy of who we want to be than we do bonding with and enjoying our beloved as we are.
Here are 5 common relationship issues people find way too embarrassing to discuss:
1. Deeply hidden fears
I don’t mean fear of spiders, but deeper fears related to your character and personality. Fears so repressed and ingrained that you may not even be aware of them. Such fears include being unworthy and unloved, unable to provide for yourself, constantly seeking stimulation because you feel empty inside, not being good enough, not being impressive aside from your accomplishments, and being incompetent.
Everyone has a core fear that drives their behavior. You are not alone. Your partner has a basic fear they are embarrassed by, as well.
2. Family skeletons tucked away in the closet
Children believe their family issues are an extension of themselves. Many adults still believe the family they came from somehow reflects who they are. While your family does shape you, they are separate and apart from you. Talking about your family with clear boundaries is a sign of health. It also helps your significant other understand you better.
In addition to your family having skeletons, you may have some secrets tucked far back in your closet. These issues are never easy to share, even when you’ve come to peace with them. But if you are willing to open up to your partner about them, you may discover you’re human and not so weird.
The truth is there are only so many experiences humans go through, and most are common.
3. Secret dreams and goals for the future
Sharing your goals and dreams is a sensitive act because when other people react in any way less than 100% supportive and confident, it can cause you to doubt yourself. Even if you don’t doubt yourself, their lack of faith and support will cause you to face the cold, hard reality they are not the one for you. Yet, you must arrive at the truth. Either you will discover you need to part ways, or your relationship will grow stronger as you find out your partner is supportive and you are like-minded and on the same page with your goals and dreams.
4. Financial troubles
Your financial condition is your personal, private business. Yet, if you’re sharing your life with someone, certain aspects will have to be discussed. Your lifestyle, travel, and any financial burdens inevitably come up with people close to you. Always remember you are not your struggles. You are much bigger than any earthly affliction you face, and if your financial condition causes you embarrassment, try not to be so identified with it. Plus, you can always change it. If your partner judges you for it, it reflects your self-judgment.
Remember, whenever you preface anything with, “This is embarrassing for me to share with you,” it causes the other person to have more compassion and react more gently. Opening up and being vulnerable gives you strength and an ally.
Photo: popovartem.com via Shutterstock
5. Unconventional sexual fantasies
Some sexual fantasies are easier to share than others, but sharing them with your partner can help bond you and create eroticism, even if your partner does not share the same fantasy. When your partner truly loves you and wants you to be happy, they will enjoy knowing what turns you on. Your being turned on turns them on.
There’s no rule stating you have to share your sexual fantasies, but if you do, it could open a whole new thrilling dimension between the two of you. Sometimes, people don’t want to share their fantasies because they wouldn’t want to bring them to fruition in the material world and feel afraid to put the idea into their partner’s head. You have nothing to worry about as long as you communicate your true intentions. Ultimately, you cannot control another person’s thoughts or actions anyway.
Having the courage to share your sexual fantasies can, once again, bond you because you will discover you’re not different from other people and their fantasies. Once the ego is removed from the equation, you have unity.
We all have and need egos. The ego is our separate and unique identity, and we wouldn't be able to function or accomplish anything without it. But the ego should not run the show. That’s the job of your soul. When you feel overly embarrassed, your ego has more prominence than it should. It’s a sign you feel so separate, and you’ve forgotten the spiritual truth we are all connected.
As uncomfortable as embarrassment can be, exposing those vulnerable aspects of ourselves is what makes us lovable. It shows the other person you are more alike than you are different and lets them know you trust them enough to be authentic in their presence. Embarrassment shows your humanity, and when you are willing to expose it to the person you love and feel certain is worthy of your trust, your relationship can become deeper and stronger than ever. If you are in a relationship with a trustworthy partner, discussing embarrassing issues will help you become more bonded.
Play truth or dare to lighten the burden of discussing embarrassing relationship issues. You feel less pressure and seriousness when you make a game out of exposing your truth. The playing field is level when both of you are sharing awkward issues. In the end, embarrassment is a part of reaching any goal, including a loving relationship.
Heather Hans, LCSW, MBA is a Public Speaker, Licensed Psychotherapist, Intuitive Coach, Holistic Healer, and author of The Heart of Self-Love. Dr. Hans has appeared on multiple news stations and has been featured in Forbes, Fast Company, and PopSugar.