Psychology Says If You Can Master These 2 Skills, You Can Save A Marriage On A Brink
Get on your way to more love than you ever imagined.
Drazen Zigic | Canva If married life is not what you initially thought, it's time to learn how to save your marriage and bring back love and intimacy into your relationship.
If I was able to do it, so you can you.
Here are 2 skills that can save a marriage on the brink, says psychology
1. Forget about him
That’s right. Putting yourself first is the key to inspiring a man to put you first. A study in the Journal of Social Psychology explains how if you don’t feel good about yourself and have high self–esteem, you won’t have what I call a "high degree of difficulty."
That’s when a man perceives you honor and respect yourself and you know what you will or will not tolerate. Of course, it’s impossible to do this when you are using so much of your time and energy to please your man and give him what you think he wants.
2. Make yourself happy
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If you only take away one thing from this article, let it be this: The one thing that won’t ever work to help a man make you happy is to focus on making him happy!
Here’s the amazing thing: What makes a good man happy is to make yourself happy, as suggested by a study on the interrelated dynamic of spousal interactions in the Journal of Happiness Studies. One of the simplest ways to do this within marriage is to "date yourself." That means you do for yourself what would please you.
If you’d like your husband to take you to dinner, tell him you’re taking yourself out to a spa lunch. If you wish he had bought you more presents, treat yourself to something you want. It doesn’t have to be expensive, and it just has to make you happy. This could mean taking an hour every day for yourself to do yoga.
Once he sees you’re not setting aside your wishes for him, he’ll remember the wonderful woman he fell in love with and what made her unique. A change of vibe like this can re-light a man’s passion and help save your marriage.
It’s worth repeating: Good men like to make their women happy. Period. They like to give presents, they like to take you out, they like to be faithful to you, and they like the way it feels when you feel good about yourself when you’re with them. Jennifer Langhinrichsen-Rohling, PhD explores martial perceptions of positivity to help show men like the way it feels when you let them know you feel good.
When I married my husband over 20 years ago, I thought the heart–wrenching days of dating angst were over. I thought I’d never again worry about my man becoming distant from me or withdrawing.
And yet, the unthinkable happened: Our initial wedded bliss gave way to disconnection to the point I felt like I was living with a stranger. I tried everything to save my marriage, including talking to my husband repeatedly about it.
I was exhausted from trying to change him until I made an important, life-changing discovery: The only way to change him and save my marriage was to change me. I realized I had lost track of myself and my happiness, which resulted in my husband doing the same.
Once I started to make small changes in myself and put the focus back on the most important person — me — I was able to save my marriage and create a stronger, more connected union than ever, as suggested in a study of unexpected adjustments to marriage by Hall, S. S., & Adams, R.
So, if you want to save your marriage, stop exhausting yourself trying to change him. Instead, focus on making yourself happy first.
If you expect he will do his best to make you happy without demands and by just letting him know when he makes you happy, you’ll be on your way to more love than you ever imagined.
Rori Raye is a relationship coach who's helped thousands of women transform their love lives.