Why Older Men Like Younger Women (Even When You're A Much Better Match)
Hint: It has nothing to do with looks.
yamel photography / Shutterstock Most single women in their 30s and 40s are sick and tired of guys their age dating younger girls.
How many of us can relate to being dumped by a guy who said he wasn’t ready, only to find out that he proposed to someone else? Someone younger, of course...
So many women are fed up with guys who keep getting older, but never stop dating 25-year-olds.
Why do older men like younger women instead of women their own age?
You would think that a 45-year-old man would want a relationship with a woman at least somewhat close in age. Wouldn’t they want someone who has a similar life experience, who has some maturity and a similar level of intellectual development?
But much of the time, they don’t seem to. In fact, research shows that, at all ages, women prefer men who are close to them in age, while for men, the ideal age for women remains a consistent 22 years old.
There seems to be no clearly agreed upon reason why this is the case.
Some believe men's preference for younger women is an evolutionary strategy that attracts males to "partners who are highly fertile." And because women tend to live longer than men and become their caregivers, Stockholm University demographer Sven Drefahl says the attraction to younger women may be due to the fact that "marrying a younger woman extends a man’s lifespan, [while] it does the opposite for his spouse."
Still others believe the issue is more about power imbalance, asserting that "the difference in preferred age for a partner is the product of societally determined gender roles. In a society based on the model of male breadwinner, female homemaker, women will seek out a man whose economic resources make him a good provider, and men will seek out a woman whose pliability and readiness for reproduction makes her a good housewife."
Do women prefer younger men as well?
Over time the trends in attractiveness for females decreases. Men generally find attractiveness to be in a women's 20s, and it steadily decreases from there over time. But a man's attractiveness to women is the opposite, increasing over time and reaching a peak at 50, only then decreasing.
Author and OkCupid co-founder Christian Rudder says women in their 20s tend to like a man who is slightly older, and when they reach their 30s, women prefer a man who is a few years younger.
Many single women who are otherwise successful, beautiful, and talented find themselves passed over for younger women.
I wanted to know why, so I asked a real-life example of a guy who does this.
Peter (whose name has been changed for the sake of privacy) is a 43-year-old, highly successful divorcee who has been dating 23-year-olds since he was 36.
Peter is perfect for this conversation, because he has no filters and will tell you exactly what he thinks — void of all emotions and social values.
Be warned, his comments are very offensive and I disagree with his statements. However, you can extrapolate invaluable insights into how to attract successful high-quality men.
Please stop reading unless you are prepared to see through the harsh words and understand the underlying reason for his statements.
Here's one man's candid explanation of the reasons men like dating younger women instead of women their own age.
“Look, I stay away from the zones. Late 20s is the Zone of Anxiety and 30s is the Zone of Bitterness. Women in their late twenties walk around with a ticking time bomb. Every minute takes them closer to their 30s where everything goes downhill and they get closer to being alone the rest of their lives with a thousand cats.
"Society tells them that having a good relationship sets the foundation of their life and all their friends are getting married so they walk around in their head thinking: Are you the one? Are you committed? Are you going to marry me? When are you going to propose? How do I get you to propose?
"It is a lot of pressure. Who wants that! The fun of just dating is gone. They are on a mission. Plus many of them don’t even know what they want. They just want to be proposed to because it is a badge of honor, as if their self worth is tied to whether the guy will propose to them or not.
"Thirty year olds have a compounded set of issues. Not only are they still in a rush to get married, they are often bitter. Like they’ve been chewed up by the dating game and are pretending to be optimistic all the while harboring a secret hatred and disillusionment of men.
"Deep down, many of them think men suck, they never commit, and all the good men are gone or taken. Each time they meet men they think: Are you going to hurt me? Are you another loser? Are you another time waster? What are your issues? Why haven’t you settled down yet? Or why did you get divorced?
"They are sick of dating and just want to find anyone and get this dating and marriage thing over with. Check! Plus I’ve heard when faced with a good catch, some pretend to be on birth control and get pregnant accidentally to trap a man.
"To top it all off, many women in their 30s are very successful in their own right thus I even have to prove my intellectual and business success. I want a woman, not a business colleague. I get plenty of stress and competition at work. The young ones are googly-eyed, easily impressed, fun, and free spirited. They don’t pressure me consciously or subconsciously to get married and have kids.
"Whatever happened to light-hearted fun?"
My takeaway from this real-life dating "psychopath"?
It is all about your attitude.
All those gripes above were about a woman’s attitude and mindset, and how that makes him feel. He never mentioned — not once — the issue of looks or body type.
Having the right attitude is the key to attracting and keeping the man of your dreams.
Here are eight important questions to ask yourself about your own attitude towards men and relationships:
1. Do you love and appreciate men and their differences?
2. Do you harbor resentment towards men for the hurt they have caused?
3. Are you afraid or cynical about relationships or marriage?
4. How do you see yourself?
5. Why do you want to get married?
6. Why do you like this particular man?
7. Are you having fun?
8. Do you feel good physically, mentally, and emotionally with or without a man?
High-value men have a lot going for them and are looking for a high-value catch — someone who will make their lives better and who is hopeful, optimistic and has great and wonderful things ahead of them.
Your attitude and energy will either lift a guy up or bring him down. Unless a man feels like his life will be better by marrying you, he will not do it.
Instead, as the world is his oyster, he will opt for what is easy — the breath of fresh air a young girl who is fun and light gives.
I got married when I was 35 and only met my husband when I was 34. I can tell you it is not about the age, it is about possessing an irresistible attitude.
Jasmine Von Hatch is a dating and relationship coach who specializes in communication problems, empowering women, online dating, relationships, and more.