Men Have Feelings, Too!

By Marcus Osborne for GalTime.com

Men do not want to argue with women. Seriously. I'm not saying we won't do it, just that we despise it. Full disclosure: the very idea of being caught in an emotionally vulnerable moment is literally nauseating to me.

I can hear your question right now: "Marcus, are you saying that if offered a choice between throwing up or admitting that he cried at the end of The Notebook, most guys would choose to bury their faces in a barf bag?"

Errr... yes. And it doesn't matter how enlightened or evolved the man claims to be; when it comes to the exposition of real, raw emotions, guys will fight them. They will fight them like Luke Skywalker fought the dark side of The Force.

Do men want to be this way? Well, no. But it's not something that's easy to change Guys are genetically predisposed to hide feelings. Why? Because, to us, openly baring emotions equals weakness. And that scares us because while women often say that they admire a guy who's unafraid to bare his soul or shed a tear, if he bares that bleeding heart too often, the lady eventually thinks, "too soft!" and she's out of there. An inconvenient truth: women get the lifetime emotional hall pass; guys do not.

This will shock many women, but when couples argue, guys are often hurt by their partner's mid-fight retorts and declarations. And just as guys know that there are certain buzzwords and statements guaranteed to be a roadblock to reaching any resolution, women should know that there is a female equivalent. Guys have feelings, too!

So allow me to assist you. I’ve comprised a list of a few particular words and phrases that are guaranteed to cut a guy's ego in half no matter how he may react outwardly. Here we go:

1. "I'll just talk to someone who understands me!" It sounds like you're saying I'm an awful partner and that I've spent all this time with you without paying attention to your particular emotional needs? Wow. That hurts.

2. "You never..." This is a particularly hurtful statement. Why? Because by saying, "You never," you've essentially made it clear that our efforts were worthless because you didn't notice them. It's hard to save the situation by saying, "Well, you know what I mean." Nope. We don't know what you mean. We don't read minds. We know what you've said, though.

3. "You always…" See above.

4. "I just can't talk to you." This stings. All we ever want to do is make you happy. It may not always seem like it, but generally that's where most men's hearts lie. Say this phrase and the guy immediately thinks, "You can't talk to me? I want to talk to you and hear what's on your mind, but when I ask you 'What's wrong?' You tell me nothing is. I can't win."

5. "_______ used to do _________ for me/with me!" Ouch. If your ex is so great, why didn't you stay with him? Keep Reading...

More couples advice from YourTango:

• 8 Relationship Tricks Happy Couples Use
• 5 Hot Celeb Couples With Matching Tattoos: Too Cute Or Too Much?
• The Best Relationship Advice On YourTango

6. "I don't like 'big ones' because they hurt… yours is perfect, honey." My radio co-host, Matty, came up with this one. And yes, it's shallow and a little petty, but let's be real. Most guys act confident about their junk, but statements like that can ruin a guy's self-esteem instantly.

7. "You’re boring." Come on. Seriously? I mean, even if that's kind of true, there’s got to be a better way to relay the message that you'd like to go out more often. Being told you're boring is a stab right in the heart. No guy wants his partner to think he's bland. That comment is also a kick to a guy's confidence. Now he's worried that his lady is seeking excitement somewhere outside of him. 

So hopefully this list made you want to think twice before blurting out something in anger or out of blatant insensitivity. Guys may not always tell you that you've hurt them, but they can certainly feel it — and far too often that point is forgotten simply because a man is a man.

How do you fight with your guy? Do you talk it out? Do you think he conveys his feelings... or that he even feels at all?

Hailing from the San Francisco Bay Area, veteran media professional and author of "Your Straight Male Friend..Every Woman Should Have One," Marcus has honed his talent and keen ability to convey to women, the inner workings of the male mind via regular forays into the "friend zone." He launched his crusade to bridge the Mars/Venus communication gap as Your Straight Male Friend after realizing that women weren't getting the real story about what motivates men in the game of love, sex, dating & relationships. Now spreading the gospel, "A straight male friend...every woman should have one!"