How To Make Sure Your Trans Partner Feels Comfortable With You

One of the biggest differences between transgender and cisgender, or cis, people (those who identify with the gender assigned to them at birth) is their relationship to their bodies. Most people have complex relationships with their bodies, but if you’re a woman born with a vulva and a vagina, chances are you’re pretty OK with using those words to describe your genitals.
 
The same isn't necessarily true of transgender partners. Transgender people generally know who they are — it’s everyone else who’s confused. Because of this tendency, many trans people find it difficult to feel comfortable entering a relationship with a cis person. There’s a lot of room for error on the part of the cis person, and assumptions are a bad way to begin.

Navigating a new relationship between trans and cis partners is slightly complicated, but it’s absolutely worth the effort.

How do you know what language to use when discussing bodies and sex?

When discussing gender, genitalia, and sexual preferences, it’s best to mimic the language your trans partner uses in reference to him or herself — especially regarding body parts. As with any relationship, beginning with a heart-to-heart discussion of expectations and desires is a good idea. There isn’t a catchall set of words and phrases to use for every transgender person you meet.

Will asking questions be too awkward or offend a trans partner?

As with any person, treat him or her as an individual worthy of respect. Make it clear you want to create a comfortable, safe space for open communication and trust.  

It’s OK to ask respectful questions, especially if doing so will make your trans partner more comfortable. Find out what your partner prefers to call certain parts of his or her body and what he or she is comfortable with you touching. In some cases, there are body parts that your partner has completely disassociated with, and it’s important to respect his or her boundaries — no matter what. It’s inappropriate to pressure your partner or focus on areas that may cause your partner emotional pain.

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