4 Conversational Secrets Of Men Who Get The Girl
Are men and women speaking different languages?
samuel perales / Shutterstock Are you wondering how to talk to women?
Men and women are so different that it seems like they come from different planets. Or, at least, that’s what New York Times bestselling author John Grey claims in his book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.
Embracing and accepting our differences will help us maintain healthy relationships with the opposite sex. But what does that mean?
Men are able to focus on narrow issues and block out unrelated information and distractions. Meanwhile, women naturally see everyday things from a broader, "big-picture" vantage point.
We can all recall walking by a couple where the woman is chatting away and the guy is seemingly staring into space. The man might really care for her but just can’t tune in to all the mind-numbing details in the story.
Get to the point quickly versus circling the point
"What do you want to do today?"
"I don’t know. What do you want to do?"
We all hate this question, but it’s one that both sexes ask often.
When she asks you a question, it's good to have an answer
Even if you truly have no idea what you want to do or where you want to eat, just say the first thing that pops into your mind.
Always having an answer sets a tone and creates a pattern that has her seeing you as a man with answers and a man who cares.
Don’t pretend to know things you don’t actually know — women can smell a lie from a mile away. If she asks you how to say "thank you" in Chinese, respond with "Let me look it up."
A woman’s favorite three words said by a man are some form of "I’ve got this."
Here are four conversational secrets of men who get the girl:
1. Communicate, don't interrogate
You’ve heard people say that if you get a woman talking about herself, she’ll feel like she’s having a good time and connecting with you. This is true but it doesn’t mean interrogating her!
Asking her a steady stream of questions makes her feel like you're genuinely interested in her. Contribute to the conversation and make sure you relate to her and evoke emotion.
Make sure that you ask open-ended questions that require more than one word as a response and can turn into a conversation.
For example, "What do you like about living in Los Angeles?"
2. Learn how to talk about change effectively
If you want something to change in the relationship, it’s going to require time. Take time as you sit together, cook together, eat together, or travel together to voice your dissatisfaction with certain aspects of the relationship.
Do it in a calm fashion. Your tone of voice is about half of communication, so pay attention to tone. Reassure her that you’re happy if you are content with the relationship, but just want one or two things to change.
When she has the mic, be an active listener. Don’t look around or just sit there. And don’t say, "Uh-huh," every few seconds.
Watch her body language and tone and proceed as they taught us in driver's ed. Remember "I.P.D.E.": identify, predict, decide, and execute.
3. Do not make any unnecessary apologies
Most women I know think a man comes off as a wimp when he starts every sentence off with "I’m sorry."
Don’t apologize for not agreeing with her and don’t apologize for wanting to watch the game (unless it’s during her grandmother's funeral).
Not only will you overuse the word "sorry," but it won’t have the same impact when you really mean it.
4. Empathize with her
When she expresses emotion, attempting to rationalize or solve the problem isn’t always the right thing to do.
If she starts crying during a cat commercial because the cat is "just so fluffy," the smart thing to do is simply put your arm around her and put yourself in her shoes.
Is she suffering from PMS or did her cat just die?
The right way to deal with something you see as illogical or "crazy" is to empathize with her. Bring some humor into the situation if appropriate to lighten the mood.
What you should not do is make a comment like, "You're just on your period," which can rapidly take things from a minor incident to all hell breaking loose.
Erika Jordan is an internationally acclaimed love and relationship expert, NLP practitioner, author, media personality, and leader in the field of digital romance and online dating.