5 Things To Never Text A Guy On A Dating App (If You Want Him To Ask You Out)
How you let it end before it can even begin.
Kanawa_Studio | Getty Images Signature / Lifestock | Canva Are you tired of guys asking you why you are single? You’re the total package but can’t seem to meet the man you want to be in a committed relationship with.
Don’t worry you’re not alone. Many successful women are single just like you. And they are single because they don’t realize that they're going about texting the men they like all wrong.
Learning how to text a guy and have him respond positively can be tricky.
With some of the most romantic connections starting online via text these days, you’ll want to know how to send an intriguing text message. Your text will need to have a strategy intact to capture his immediate attention. There is a little more to know about men than what meets the screen, plain and simple.
My client, Kate, has not been in a relationship for over five years. And, it’s not because she can’t get a date. It’s because she is literally slamming the door shut, locking it, and throwing away the key to her heart with the way she texts men.
She’s wilting in her text messages before the relationship can even blossom.
You see, Kate is a cool chick who has so much to offer in terms of a relationship. She has a career she loves, superb relationship values, great friends, and considers herself a very loving partner. Oh, and did I mention she has a smile that glows brighter than the moon?
However, there was a missing piece that was keeping Kate single. As soon as I saw her text messages to guys, I knew right away why they were ghosting her — even after they had asked her out on a date.
The messages Kate had sent misrepresented who she was as a woman.
Here are 5 things to never text a guy on a dating app if you want him to ask you out:
1. You ask him on a first date
A woman who asks a man on the first date is not allowing the man to lead. This is an immediate sign you are seeking to control the connection. It is innate for a man to pursue the woman of his choice and up to the woman she grants him the offer.
When you ask a man on the first date, you completely emasculate his masculinity, making him feel defeated before the connection even begins. Not only are you switching traditional relationship roles, you are setting yourself up to be rejected because you didn't give him a chance.
A gentleman who appreciates you will ask you out. Just give him a few minutes. There’s no need to rush the process when it comes to love. Not to mention, wouldn’t you like to find out if the connection is mutual on his end?
Let him lead and you will become the leading lady in his life.
2. You shut down his flirtatious requests
Yes, men can and will test what they can get away with, especially on an online platform. His flirting may come off downright forward or even leave you speechless with his request.
There is a way to handle this without rejecting him or hurting the connection.
First, you’re just a face behind a screen to him in the initial match. So to expect respect from him, it can take a little time to be earned while learning about each other. By setting a boundary with him, will let him know where he stands with you before proceeding any further.
A guy might text you via an online dating app: "Hey want to Netflix and chill tonight?" And, if you haven’t met in real life yet, then I recommend this not be your first date. However, how you respond to his text message will be key to keeping the connection flourishing, if you wish to continue it.
You can reply to his request with: "I love to Netflix and chill, but I would prefer to meet in person first. Are you cool with that?"
Responding to his request in this manner lets him know you are interested in his request, but only once he makes the effort to get to know you by going on a date first. When you value yourself, this sets the tone for how he will treat you in return.
3. You make statements instead of asking questions
Are you making conversation with him through statements versus asking open-ended questions about his profile pics or bio? If so, stop immediately. Texting statements will have the conversation heading down a dead-end road.
So, how do you keep a conversation flowing? By asking him discovery questions. Discovery questions are open-ended questions leading with "What", "How", or "Where", which keep a conversation growing. Asking him specific questions about his profile will allow you to learn about him and understand what his lifestyle is all about.
The only way to discover who he is on a deeper level is by inquiring about his life’s interests to see if the two of you can relate to each other.
He should also be asking you discovery questions in return to learn more about you. If he only talks about himself, then know he is not interested in learning about the woman you are. Cut the conversation, and move on to the next.
4. You are texting explicitly before you've been intimate
Do you send racy pics and explicit text messages for his attention? Okay, you got his attention...but only for a minute. A man will not give you the respect you seek if you initiate the connection based on intimate content. X-rated only leads to X-ed.
Easy come, easy go.
Leading with your looks conveys to the man you don’t value your self-worth. And, when you don’t value yourself, then he will choose not to value you either. He will only see you as an object.
To be honest, a man can get intimacy anywhere. So, if that is all you can offer him he will not see you as someone of value within his lifestyle. A man will choose a woman who can bring value to his life. He wants a partner who compliments him on all levels: mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. He wants the whole package if he is going to make you his girlfriend.
5. You ask about other women he is dating or has dated
When you choose to inquire about other women he is currently dating or has dated, you are not owning who you are. He will find your curiosity about other women in his life as a sign you are not confident. This will be a huge turn-off for him.
Men love a woman who knows who she is, knows what she wants, and sees herself as a woman of value. When you know what you bring to the table, you don’t care about "the dating competition."
You know the right man will choose you. And any man who does not, then no sweat off your back. A woman of certainty and class always takes the high road and knows there is a great guy out there for her.
If you are the woman who continues to send statements that don’t elicit a response, you are only hurting your connection to a great guy. It will be crucial for you to flip your dating approach so you can go from single to a committed relationship with a single swipe.
Take a leap of faith and ask a question. You will be one step closer to meeting your partner.
Jan and Jillian Yuhas are dating and relationship lifestyle coaches who help men attract the women they want. They have been featured in The Good Men Project, Thrive Global, Shoutout DFW, and more.