3 Proven Ways To Save Your Relationship From Self-Sabotage
Protect your relationship.
getty Self-sabotage is one of the worst things you can do in relationships, so if you want to know how to save a relationship from falling apart by your own hands, it's time to brush up on your communication skills.
You're dating someone new and things were going great. He said he would call. But, then... he didn’t. Now, you are feeling on edge and ready to unleash your inner feelings of disappointment. But, you know that starting a fight will only push him further away and sabotage the connection.
You don’t think he did anything seriously wrong, except break his promise and your trust. This makes you boil inside because he knows how important you feel about communication.
Communication is one of your deal-breakers when it comes to your relationship values. You know you deserve respect and refuse to accept anything less.
So, now the clock keeps ticking hour by hour and still no word from him. Your internal state has spiked to the next level. You are beginning to reach your ultimate breaking point, so you start calling him. But, he doesn’t pick up.
Next, you try sending him a text message. No response. You start sending more messages, flooding his inbox with emotional words of hurt and anger. You are beyond furious and can barely keep it together. The situation has become too much to bear, you consider calling his mom.
Another hour goes by and now you are starting worry something might have happened to him. You check to see if he has been on social media. He is nowhere to be found.
Your stomach is doing flip flops and you can hardly sit still another minute. You don’t know if he’s mad at you or he’s just passed out in his bed.
Did you unintentionally sabotage everything? How do you keep yourself from self-sabotaging before it's too late?
Here are 3 ways to save your relationship from self-sabotage.
1. Know your triggers
If communication is something you value in your relationship, it will be important to communicate this to your partner early on. By sharing your relationship values with each other, this will help the two of you work together to feel emotionally secure in the relationship.
Instead of blasting his phone with calls and texts, you will want to wait to hear from him. This shows you respect him as an equal partner despite his unpleasant behavior.
As frustrating as it is to be sitting with lots of mixed feelings, you will not want to displace them onto your relationship. Even though it can be a tough pill to swallow, it’s your responsibility to resolve your own emotional discomfort without sabotaging your relationship.
When you take care of yourself, it prevents you from emotionally reacting to his poor choices without causing more discord between the two of you.
If you tend to be an emotionally reactive person when things don’t go your way, you become part of the problem when acting out in an unpleasant manner — such as blasting his phone on repeat. When this occurs, it is no longer about his lack of communication. The discord becomes about both of you being disrespectful to each other.
It is better to take the high road by not letting your emotions overpower you while owning your worth. This will allow you to stay emotionally in control of feelings without letting him get the best of you.
When he finally resurfaces, you can set a boundary with him based on your relationship value of communication. This allows you to operate from a place of confidence without sabotaging your connection or creating a toxic relationship cycle.
When you know your triggers, you prevent yourself from internalizing his behavior.
2. Focus on your strengths
Instead of letting your emotions get the best of you, focus on your strengths. This will help you keep a positive mindset instead of feeling like you are not good enough for him.
Even though he is ignoring you, it does not make you less of a woman. If anything this is a reflection of his internal state and how he feels about himself.
His lack of integrity is something he will need to work on himself, as his choices are affecting your relationship. The more you remain calm during a conflict, the quicker you will get your needs met and reach an agreement. Sending hurtful messages only escalates a situation, often making it worse than the original issue.
When you place your strengths above your insecurities, this allows you to feel good about yourself regardless of your relationship struggles. The more you own your worth and feel whole as a woman without him, the healthier your relationship will be.
It may sound counterintuitive at the moment, but when you have an air of confidence about you, it makes him want to gravitate towards you more and apologize for his disrespectful behavior.
Your confidence wins regardless of circumstances.
3. Practice self-care
The best thing you can do is not ruminate about his whereabouts. Your thinking will only keep you feeling stuck with negative thoughts on repeat. This creates more emotional distress, as your thoughts can become self-inflicting pain.
Painful and negative thoughts can take you on an emotional rollercoaster ride leaving you worse off than the original dispute.
Making yourself a priority is a necessity to staying healthy and fulfilled in your personal life. Consider working out in the gym, writing in your journal, meditating, deep breathing, or grabbing lunch with your girlfriends.
Whatever helps you feel better, follow your heart and take care of you.
Even though you may feel the urge to throw back mimosas to take the edge off, it will only give you liquid courage to fire back when you hear from him. This can lead to another argument, complicating the process to solve the original problem of him not keeping his word.
Self-care gives you the ability to take care of you when you aren’t feeling your best. It is a way of giving yourself the love you need without being emotionally dependent on your partner. And if you don’t love yourself, it will be hard to receive the love you desire from your partner.
Love is something that needs to breathe in order to remain healthy and thrive. It’s an emotional connection that is shared between two individuals who can find the balance between their independence and interdependence. So when it comes to taking care of you, it will give you an instant confidence boost to feel better about yourself and your relationship.
Seek security within, not from him.
Regardless of why you may feel insecure in your relationship, it is your responsibility to show up the way you want to be seen based on your relationship values. It is not your partner’s responsibility to make you feel good even though your relationship will bring meaning and purpose to your love life.
At the end of the day, you will need to nurture your own heart and soul outside of the relationship in order to stay emotionally in your feminine power. This will help you continuously thrive and set you up for relationship success long-term.
Jan and Jillian Yuhas, The Love Twins, help entrepreneurial women design a luxury love life. If you are struggling to keep a long-term romantic relationship, then watch their Fiercely Femme To Loving Him masterclass to find out how.