4 Steps To Shaking Off Your Breakup And Moving On
If you want him to give you closure, it's not gonna happen.
getty Are you struggling with how to get over a breakup and trying to get closure? Have you chased your ex and not gotten anywhere? Until you get closure, moving forward and meeting someone new is never going to happen.
Here’s how to move on and get closure right now, so you can move forward with your life and find someone who will make you totally happy:
1. Cut off contact with your ex.
The reason you should cut off all ties with your ex is because you can’t get the space you need to heal from your breakup when you’re constantly bombarded with reminders of your relationship and what "could have been". In order to heal and get this over with, you have to break the addiction to your ex. Now.
2. Reflect on your part, then shut the door.
In the wake of a breakup, it’s easy to dwell on all of the "why’s" and self-incrimination — but you'll never really reach any understanding as to the specific reason your relationship didn't work out. I know that after a couple of really hard breakups, I beat myself up over and over, but never actually reached any worthwhile conclusions.
Often it takes real time and distance to get a real idea of why things didn’t work out. In the grief of a breakup, trying to get clarity on what you did wrong often leads to the feeling that you can bargain with your ex to make them come back. So avoid this. Reflect for a minute, then decide to move on with your life.
3. Have a little ceremony.
While I don’t suggest setting your ex’s stuff on fire, it can be helpful to have a little get-together with your best friends where you ceremonially move on from the breakup.
Let the occasion mark the end of your relationship with your ex and make it clear to your friends that this is the intention of what you’re doing together. Something simple like a shared dinner or drinks with your ladies in honor of your breakup is a good way to do this as well. Anything you can think of to mark the end of the relationship and symbolize you moving forward is helpful.
When doing this, though, avoid rambling on and on about the heartbreak. It’s important for this event to mark the end of your pairing, not be another evening where you agonize about breakup details (and your friends love you, but probably don't want to hear about it all night, either).
4. Resolve to move on.
Whether there is hope for a reconciliation with your ex or not, it’s time to start learning how to move on so you can get out of this space where you are wasting time in a place of devastating limbo. Staying stuck in a place of despair and wanting a reconciliation with your ex will waste your time, energy, and tears.
Wishing and hoping for your ex to come back takes an exhausting amount of emotional energy and doesn’t actually control the outcome. Take the time to make the decision to do better with your life — move on and start being happy on your own for a while.
Elizabeth Stone is an author, relationship coach and founder of Attract The One. Are you struggling with feeling disconnected, dumped and disregarded by your man? Get to the bottom of it with a free copy of her book, Why Men Lose Interest.