What Women Do — And Do Not — Want To Hear From Guys Over Text
Pay attention, gentlemen.
Glen Anthony on Unsplash These days, texting is the primary form of communication between men and women who are dating or looking for romantic relationships.*
If you want to know how to text a girl and flirt in a way that will get her to like you, it's important to remain mindful of what women do — and do not — want to hear from men.
While texting faux pas — such as misinterpreting tone and/or context, sending texts to the wrong person, or grammatical and spelling errors — are common, accidentally hitting send isn't always easy, or even possible, to bounce back from.
Texting between two people who are getting to know each other is fraught with risk and misunderstandings.
For example, when someone doesn’t respond to a text as quickly as they usually do, the sender may panic or make certain assumptions about reasons for the delay.
Captain Obvious says communication is key in any relationship. And face-to-face communication is typically a more meaningful and reliable path than texting, which can create a false sense of intimacy.
Sending texts and DMs back and forth throughout the day can lead to assumptions, so while we're all individuals, staying mindful of what most women do, and do not want to hear from men when they're first getting to know each other can make your dating life, and subsequent relationships, smoother all around.
If you want to know how to flirt with a girl over text in a way that will get her to like you, take note of this list of things most women do and don't want to hear from men in texts and DMs.
Examples of things women do want to hear from men in texts:
- Sincere compliments: “You have a gorgeous smile!”
- Non-creepy flirtation: “I keep thinking of you wearing a certain outfit. Let’s just say I have a surprise for you next time we see each other ...”
- That you are thinking of them and are interested in their life: “Just letting you know I'm thinking about you. How was the board meeting you led today?”
- The physical impact thinking of them has on you: “My body is on fire when we're together. Just thinking about you gets me going.”
- Questions about their favorite things: i.e., flowers, wine or dessert. Be curious and express curiosity about their likes and dislikes.
- Questions that let them know you want to do more than text: “Can I call you? I want to hear your voice.”
As archaic as it may seem, some people find texting impersonal and deem it a lazy way to communicate. Women often appreciate the effort involved in actually picking up the phone and calling them.
The only way to know their preference for sure is to ask. And the act of asking in and of itself illustrates that you are sensitive to her preferences.
Examples of things women do not want to hear from men in texts:
- Nothing: As in, being ghosted. Have the guts to be honest. If you're mature enough to be dating, be mature enough to have integrity.
- “I hate to do this over text, but …”: If you would hate to do something over text, don't.
- “I think you're nice, but let’s just be friends ... with benefits”: She's likely all set, thanks. But best of luck to you!
- “Did we sleep together last night? I can’t remember because I passed out”: Just don't.
- “I prefer thinner girls” ... or girls with smaller “x” or larger “y”: She probably prefers men who are honest from the start and confident enough in themselves not to judge women based on cultural pressures or stereotypes of women’s bodies.
- Last minute invitations: this suggests you see her as “Plan B” — or that she may come even later in your calendar's alphabet. Spontaneity can be fun, but a pattern of sending last minute texts is not.
Dating is tough enough for most of us to navigate as it is.
Texting as a main form of communication may be the norm, but it undoubtedly creates a bunch of potential booby traps if you don't remain purposely mindful.
Always proof read your texts before hitting send.
And be sure to keep the D-pics out of your texts! Save the (consensual) reveal for in person.
*Note: This article focuses on dating between heterosexual, cisgender men and women. However, the ideas apply to people of all gender identities and sexual orientations.
Dr Elayne Daniels is a clinical psychologist dedicated to empowering people of all ages through individually tailored treatment plans, fusing knowledge, humor, compassion and practical content to create a life that aligns with their vision.