5 Tiny-But-Effective Ways To Build Your Self-Confidence Back Up Post-Divorce

When I got divorced I thought it was painfully obvious to everyone who saw me — like there was a capital "D" tattooed on my forehead to announce my personal shame and failure without my ever saying a word.

Obviously, there was no tattoo. But everyone who saw me could tell there was something just not quite right.

What they were picking up on was my lack of confidence.

I was floundering. I wasn’t sure who I was anymore if I wasn’t a wife. I wasn’t sure what I wanted from my life now that I was on my own. I wasn’t even able to confidently make my own decisions about my personal life.

Simply put, I lacked confidence in my value as a human being outside of what I could (and did) do for others.

Now I hope your divorce hasn’t knocked you down as low as mine knocked me. And even if it hasn’t, chances are that your self-confidence has taken a hit.

To help you regain (and maybe even boost) your self-confidence and find happiness after divorce, here are 5 simple tips for you to start using today:

1. Look others in the eye and smile.

When you consider yourself equal to those you meet (i.e. just another human being) you’ll easily be able to look them in the eye. Smiling is the icing on the cake because it lets people know that you like you — even if sometimes you have to convince yourself that you really do.

2. Take care of your mind, body, and spirit.

Take the time to get good nutrition, exercise, and sleep. Read and watch positive things. And of course, prayer and meditation are great places to start building your spirit back up.

3. Talk positively to yourself.

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We all have a virtually non-stop dialog in our minds and the surprising thing is that it’s usually a critical dialog about ourselves. But, by choosing to talk positively to yourself periodically throughout the day, you’ll naturally begin to feel more confident.

4. Don’t confuse memory with fact.

Everyone’s memory of the past is fallible. That’s because we all remember things in ways that support our beliefs. The longer you persist in thinking about the past, the longer you’ll sap your confidence which makes it really hard to move forward with your life.

5. Choose to see the end of your marriage as an opportunity to learn.

Most people see divorce as a personal failure. If that’s your viewpoint, you’re choosing to label yourself negatively. It’s pretty hard to think well of yourself when you’re doing that. Instead, realize that the failure of your marriage has a lot to teach you and start looking for those lessons.

As you put each of these tips into practice don’t expect to all of a sudden have the self-confidence of Lady Gaga. What you’ll have instead is the beginnings of the new, confident you who is emerging from the ashes of the end of your marriage.

Dr. Karen Finn is a divorce coach and divorce survivor herself. She works with clients who are struggling with getting through their divorce. You can join her newsletter group for free advice or schedule a FREE 30-minute conversation with Karen directly in her Time Trade calendar.