How, When & What To Text A Guy You Really, Really Like (A Lot!)
Girl, send that text message.
Getty Texting a guy can be nerve racking, especially when you don’t have anything in particular you really need to text him about.
I'm sure that many of you have been in a situation where you’ve met an amazing guy and you’re wondering if you should send a text. Too often women sit and stare at their phone, wondering how, what and when to text a guy without coming across as desperate or lonely.
Should I text him?
The simple answer is yes. If you want to text someone, you can and you should.
That said, you don’t want to come across as a clingy girlfriend type, and you also don’t want to be boring. But what type of smooth things can you text him to talk about?
First, you may want to check and double check the vibes between you and the guy you are interested in. If conversation seems to flow when you are together, it is only natural your text messages will be an extension of that amazing conversation.
Sending the first text is always the hardest. You want to be appealing, cute, funny, and clever. But, this guy will never see you that way unless you send that text message to get the conversation started!
Should I wait?
Many people try sticking to rigid texting rules along the lines of, “Wait at least X number of days before you text someone you like.”
This isn't only silly, it could give off the impression you are not interested.
Waiting to text does the exact opposite of telling a guy you like him. You should reach out sooner rather than later.
If you don’t text them relatively soon, or if you insist on playing the waiting game, a couple of things can happen: the guy you like will either forget about you, develop an interest in someone else who has shown him interest, or come to the assumption you are not interested.
Texting rule #1: Text him the same day or night you've seen him.
The next day is acceptable as well, but waiting beyond that time frame conveys a message that you are just not that interested in him.
Texting a guy you're interested in should follow the same etiquette as phone calls.
Don’t text him really early in the morning asking questions that require a long-detailed response, or heavy questions like, “Where do you see your life going?,” or, “What are you looking for in a partner?”
If you’re looking for questions to ask a guy you like, try something light, such as, “How is your day going?” or, “Do you have plans for the weekend?”
Texting rule #2: Do not text him at odd hours, especially late at night.
Doing this can be easily misconstrued by him as a booty call request.
Instead, text him using the phone call approach so you can text genuinely with the option to both answer and ask questions.
If you want to build something with the guy you like, you should also ask him if he is single. Do not assume because you had an amazing connection and you exchanged numbers that he is single, because there is always a chance he may already be in a relationship.
Guys determine the potential seriousness of a relationship or his interest in you by the questions you ask.
If you don’t ask about his relationship status, the question lingers. This can lead to a potential relationship never being given the opportunity to progress beyond the “liking stage."
Texting rule #3: When you do text the guy you are interested in, be clear and do not play games.
If you want to spend time with him to get to know him better, text him that. Don’t throw hints.
A lot of men are attracted to women who are able to say what is on their mind without requiring them to play the guessing game. And although it may be tempting to send vague texts, ambiguity can create confusion, and lead to hurt feelings.
If you are genuinely interested in the person, suggest a specific day and time for you to see each other again.
Don’t text “Do you want to hang out this weekend?”
Instead simply ask, “Do you want to see a movie or go to dinner on Saturday?"
You can even suggest a place to eat, a time to meet, or a movie type, making the likelihood of connecting later a lot easier.
Dr. Tarra Bates-Duford is a psychologist who focuses on relationships, dating, and personality issues, as well as a Certified Relationship Specialist with Diplomate Status, and an expert with the American Psychotherapy Association.