The 3 Most Fundamental Truths About Love
If you believe in these truths, real love will be on its way.
getty Many of us have been raised to think that finding love happens when Prince Charming comes to rescue us on his white horse. Obviously, we're too old to believe in fairy tales now, but subconsciously, our expectations are still the same. We believe that until we have the right partner, love will remain a distant dream, when nothing could be further from the truth.
The truth is, we need to realize that love is the abundant reality of our beings. As the Persian poet and mystic, Rumi, once said, "Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it." When we accept this, the right partner will come to us, no white horse necessary.
So, how do you find these barriers? What is the answer for how to find love?
First, you need to free yourself of the true causes of conflict in your relationship. This will require a bit of reflection and a willingness to abandon the worn out patterns of thoughts and behavior that haven't been working and never will.
By accepting the following three fundamental truths about love, you will be on your way to developing new patterns and finding the love you want.
1. Love comes from inside of the person that feels it.
Picture yourself falling into the arms and eyes of your lover. Where do you feel the love coming from? It's not from him or her, but from right within your own chest. This is one powerful feeling!
All the love you can ever experience comes from here, the "heart cave." It holds the potential for all the love that is possible in your life.
All the great lovers we know of (Jesus, Buddha and Mother Theresa) didn't have more love potential than the rest of us — they just used it differently. They didn’t get confused and believe that love comes from "somewhere out there." They simply found its source inside of themselves and learned how to use it.
2. Love doesn't require manipulation.
Manipulation is one of the reasons why relationships fall short of the love we hope to find. You don’t have to work so hard to attract, get, keep, win, capture or tie down a lover. First of all, this is not a safari. Your partner is not an animal, and if you treat him or her like one, don’t be surprised if they're unhappy in captivity.
Also, you cannot rely on your partner's love, approval, and acknowledgment to feel good about yourself. This will cause you to be dependent and you'll feel the need to manipulate them to get their attention.
This is fear-based behavior and it only leads to pain. Security, harmony and self-esteem are "do-it-yourself" sensations. If you're asking your partner to be your "Prince Charming" by providing things that only you can give yourself, you put him in an impossible situation. You will both lose.
Finally, your relationship will never be a good one if you start it with lies, pretense, or deception. If you put on any type of mask to please your partner, he may fall in love with what you have pretended to be, but the real you will be left feeling unloved and lonely.
You need to free yourself of all the stressful thoughts and feelings that make you believe you are somehow not perfect just the way you are. When you can do that, you'll feel naturally fulfilled, and others, including your partner, will notice you shine.
3. Love is an expression of your "true self."
This is the greatest secret of the three. Nothing compares to the genuine openness of the heart. That's why pure, divine, and unconditional love feels so good to us! It's the kind of love everyone hungers for, whether they know it or not.
You can find this great love in your innermost self and cultivate it. Eventually, it will heal everything about you that is based in fear—the fear that somehow you are lacking, unlovable, or undeserving of the love you've been hoping for ever since you were young.
Dr. Ram Giri Braun is a spiritual teacher, yogi, and psychologist. He is a licensed Mental Health Counselor, clinical Hypnotherapist and Addictions Specialist. Visit his website for more information.