How You Can Recover From Sexual Abuse No Matter What Age You Are

Another phone call from a man who is desperate to save his marriage prompted me to share this common plea for help. The details of his wife’s behavior, actions and what he is experiencing is breathtaking and gut wrenching. Yet, not unlike many calls I receive from men, who are struggling in their relationship. He said, "Reading the information on your website, I am convinced my wife is a sexual assault survivor. Your information fits my wife’s behavior and my struggle to make sense of it to a 'T'. I am in individual therapy and we have done couples counseling periodically and nothing really helps. None of the therapists gave us concrete reasons for her behavior or why there is a discrepancy on how I perceive our interactions and my behavior and her perception. What can I do to make our relationship work? Our relationship is deteriorating rapidly. I love my wife deeply. She won’t engage in individual therapy, because she says, I have the problem. No matter what I do or don’t do; I am doing it wrong."

This phone call prompted me to once again address the issue that unless the cause and effect of emotional and physical pain is processed at the deepest level (subconscious)—all else is a make-do and ineffective band-aid.

Many women/men seek treatment for various physical and emotional complaints. These complaints include, but are not restricted to: anxiety, panic attacks, depression, low self-esteem, mood swings, anger, shame, guilt, sadness, eating disorders, diabetes,  drug/alcohol abuse, migraine headaches, arthritis, joint pain, chronic fatigue, lupus, fibromyalgia, gastrointestinal disorders, chrones disease, cancer, asthma and etc.

The truth is: Every aspect of the verbal, physical or sexual abuse survivor’s physical, emotional, mental, behavioral, sexual and spiritual self is compromised. Tragically, the majority of health care professionals do not connect these complaints to the root cause … verbal, physical or sexual abuse trauma therefore, true healing is seldom achieved. The person learns to cope better and therefore feel better, however, their legacy is still living a life of pain and suffering.

Overview
Many women/men come to therapy with various physical and emotional complaints.

Physiological Aftereffects of Rape
Rape includes both an emotional and physical trauma. It is not surprising that many survivors of rape report psychological distress in situations of sexual intimacy, as well as, feeling a physical distress.

Emotional Aftereffects of Rape
The following are the feelings the majority of rape survivors experience.

Aftereffects of Sexual Abuse/Incest Overview
The definition of sexual abuse and incest states that sexual abuse and incest are more than a sexual act—the betrayal and inexplicable distortion of relational boundaries affects all aspects of the survivor’s life.

Physical Aftereffects of Sexual Abuse/Incest
The physical nature of sexual abuse seems clear, yet it is not. We believe when we see the child’s body injured or maimed from sexual abuse, we can treat and account for the physical effects. This is tragically a misconception of the physical aspects of sexual abuse aftereffects.

Mental Aftereffects of Sexual Abuse/Incest
When the child’s physical boundaries are violated, his or her mind is also violated. The insidious nature of the mental abuse can be explained by using the analogy of the reactions of a deer when its eyes are exposed to the headlights of an oncoming car. The deer becomes so disoriented by the blinking light that it jumps toward the car instead of away from it—so it is with the child who has been sexually abused.

Emotional Aftereffects of Sexual Abuse/Incest
The emotional aftereffects of sexual abuse and incest are very powerful. These emotions are so powerful that a survivor is afraid to be aware of them. These emotion include: Anger, rage, sadness, fear, guilt, loneliness, shame and hurt.

Behavioral Aftereffects of Sexual Abuse/Incest
The behavioral aftereffects of sexual abuse or incest are very subtle. Men acting tough and aggressive and women acting weak and helpless are classic examples.

Spiritual Aftereffects of Sexual Abuse/Incest
The aftereffects to the sexual abuse victim’s spirituality are profound, extensive and pervasive. It is a soul injury.

Sexual Aftereffects of Sexual Abuse/Incest
The aftereffects with respect to the survivor’s sexuality are immediate. Humans are sexual beings from the moment of birth. The sexual abuse or incest survivor believes that their body does not belong to them. Their body is the ground on which this insidious battle took place.

Relating Aftereffects of Sexual Abuse/Incest
The development of one’s sense of self is ongoing. It is a journey,not a destination. Tragically, the sexual abuse or incest survivor’s journey has been inexplicably contaminated. At the core of any healthy relationship is trust. The child’s trust has often times been betrayed before he or she has learned to walk or talk.

Aftereffects of Sexual Abuse/Incest Summary
The legacy of every unhealed sexual abuse survivor includes diminished self-worth, limited ability to trust and the burden of a shameful secret she or he cannot express.

Sexual Abuse Recovery
Yes, healing/recovery is possible. The recovery process requires a multifaceted therapeutic process, facilitated by a professional who is trained in sexual abuse recovery process. Traditional therapy is ineffective for sexual abuse recovery, because the protocol is based on conscious recall rather than finding the root cause ... i.e. details of the abuse at the subconscious level. The subconscious automatically captures all information and details of your experiences—positive, negative and neutral. The subconscious then pushes the unresolved information up to the unconscious to be accessed by the conscious mind to process, resolve and let go. Yet, the conscious mind is very powerful and succeeds in avoiding this process due to a fear of knowing the truth of the matter. As the cliché goes, 'The truth shall set you free.' Recovery creates setting you free from the pain that was perpetrated long-ago. You deserve to be set free to create peace of mind and happiness. Only you, along with a professional who is trained to access and process 'the root cause' of the pain, can set you free. 

If only one person seeks recovery after reading this information my mission and effort will be well served. My mission is to assist every physical and sexual abuse survivor in the healing process in Mind, Body and Spirit.