5 Things You Must Do To Start Dating Again After Heartbreak
Your love life feels like it's going nowhere.
Gabriel Matula via Unsplash If you want to know how to find love again after a bad breakup or divorce, you need to know the best dating advice that will give you the confidence to go on.
Do you feel like your love life is going nowhere? Are you always asking yourself, "Will I ever find love?" Honestly, we've all been there!
I was on the Today show a while back on a segment about what to do when life doesn’t work out the way you want it to, especially if your love life tanked. It was great fun. Hoda and Kathie Lee were fantastic, as usual.
But, there were a few things about finding love and dating tips that I wasn't able to share with the audience.
Life almost always takes a left turn — it never seems to go the way we expect.
The One turns out to be a Dud, the chemistry dies off in your relationship or marriage, you break up or get divorced, and your love life has tanked. How do you cope?
Studies show that certain people are more resilient — they adapt quickly and easily to change. When they hit unexpected, unwanted left turns in their lives, they use mentors, positive emotions and self-talk to help them cope. These fortunate people can turn a bushel of lemons into a whole lemonade stand.
So, aside from being envious, what can we learn from them about looking for love after getting your heart broken? How do we turn life’s disappointments into unexpected blessings and opportunities?
Here are 5 pieces of dating advice to help you find love again after heartbreak.
1. Look for the humor
Research on people who watch funny videos shows that they had reduced stress hormones, a boost to the immune system and a reduction in feeling pain.
Laughter lifts you right out of that downward spiral of negative thoughts and feelings that come with loss.
So, look for the funny angle. Call your funniest friend. Go to an improv club. You get the idea.
2. Find a mentor
This is what totally changed my life. As a young adult, I never wanted or expected to marry anyone because I had only seen battles and unhappiness in my parent’s marriage. Also, I was caught in deadly dating patterns, being a hermit or taking crumbs, and wanting the guys who didn’t want me.
But then I got a love mentor who taught me that love was possible and how to create it.
Using the principles they taught me, I took a left turn — here I am 180 degrees opposite from what I imagined — in a loving marriage to a guy who is my best friend for over 35 years! And I have helped tens of thousands of singles to find love too!
3. Use a positive focus
Research is very clear that even after they have faced a serious life-changing event, resilient people focus on positive thoughts and feeling that might come up — whether it is a moment of peacefulness, calmness or delight over a visit from a child or the beauty of a flower.
They feel their anger, fear, and depression, but they also experience whatever positive feelings come up. Even the most difficult circumstances can be seen in a more positive way.
If your husband suddenly up and left, are you free to pursue your passion for painting now? Put your attention on the door to creativity and fun that is opening up for you. And if you can find a Higher Power through regular spiritual practice.
4. Find and enjoy the hidden benefits
What is freeing about your new situation? How are you better off as a person? Now that you are single again, can you go on a shopping spree without having to fight a battle over it?
What is going to be good about this situation? If you just broke up with a person who is very critical and demeaning, are you already starting to feel a little better about yourself? What is the silver lining, truly?
5. Work on new goals
Resilient people don’t dwell in the past, and constantly think about what was lost. They use the steps we just talked about to be forward-looking and choose new goals that bring a measure of hope and happiness.
If you are suddenly single, start poking around a few online dating sites. Take a chance and go out on a blind date with your neighbor’s friend. Set some new dating goals for yourself, even though it’s absolutely the last thing you want to do.
Shifting your attention will get you out of your slump. Really.
Once you learn how to start dating again, looking for love after so long becomes worth it.
So, don’t quit before the miracle! You deserve lasting passionate love!
Dr. Diana Kirschner is a master dating coach. For more dating and relationship tips, sign up for her 3 free Empowering Love Trainings and support her acclaimed newsletter. And if you really feel stuck in your love life, definitely take advantage of a free session by phone or Skype with one of her expert Love Mentor coaches.